my dad worshiped hockey my mom did it that's why she moved to Egypt where
there is not a hockey rink within 1,500 miles dad always took me to games to
cheer for our favorite player Terry O'Reilly the Tasmanian devil he wasn't
the biggest guy in the league but he feared nobody just like me handsome
fella huh he always said that when I grew up I could be anything I wanted to
be but I never wanted to be anything but a hockey player
yeah my childhood was going great but life is full of surprises
after the funeral I was sent to live with my grandma in Waterbury
I was kind of nervous since I really didn't know her that well but she dressed
like Gene Simmons from kiss to cheer me up she's the sweetest person in the world
see after my dad died I developed kind of a short fuse that kid right there just
stole my party blower and instead of asking for it back I felt I had to belt
him in the head a bunch of times with a hammer look at me go but most of the
time I was quick to say I was sorry
during high school I played junior hockey and still hold two league records
most time spent in a penalty box and I was the only guy to ever take off his
skate and try to stab somebody lately I've been working construction it's not
a bad racket I'm a pretty good shot with the nail gun but one day my boss mr.
Larson got in the way apparently he also has a short fuse look at that monster he
got a few lucky punches in there but I still feel I won the fight anyways those
jobs weren't for me I was put on this planet for one reason to play hockey
baby don't you ever touch my pot number 18 is that Gilmore again how many times
this guy tried out anyway at least ten times guys get a lot of intensity a real
strong skater though he's the best puck handler either
they saw my power man ain't no way they gonna dog me this year number nine and
number 43 the rest of you your number wasn't called
next year oh hey coach what's going on here man what about me
Gilmore I called your number didn't I no no no no you didn't oh well better luck
next year that wasn't very nice
hey where you going I got a subway I already ate yeah well I went to high
school with a guy I work there so we got extra meatball great I got a rep see
you later hey can you just stick around I kind of a rough day fine when are you
getting back yeah you're not going for good are you honey you're all you ever
talk about is being a pro hockey player but there's a problem you're not any good
I am good you know what you're a lousy kindergarten teacher I've seen those
finger paintings you bring home they suck I think they're excellent finger
painting I am NOT spending the rest of my life with a loser
I'm gone good then get the hell out of my life who needs you beat it leave me
alone I'm sorry babe I didn't mean that either I just yell sometimes cuz I get
so scared scared of being a nobody why don't you just come back upstairs honey
I'll give you the old smoochy smooth kissy wissy hmm you know happy is gonna
make everything okay I wanna kiss you all over and over and over to the night
clothes and Terry
You're the light of the day
Yeah?
Huh?
Alright, sit tight. I'll be right over.
Hey!
You know our breakfast?
Grandma?
Hey, put that stuff down, it's my grandmother.
Shut it out, kid.
We're just doing our job.
What are you talking about?
Your grandmother hasn't paid her taxes in over a decade.
What?
Grandma, you didn't pay your taxes?
I would have, but I didn't have any money.
Well, you're taking all her stuff.
I'm not taking her stuff, okay?
The government is.
It's not like I'm taking her stuff over to my place or something like that, alright?
So don't get mad at me.
But she's an old lady. I mean, look at her.
She's old.
You can't just take her stuff. She's too old.
I'm sorry. I have no discretion here.
Her stuff is now our stuff.
Well, at least we got the house, right?
I mean, I can bring furniture from my place over here.
We're going to be okay, Grandma.
Now you're really going to be mad at me.
I have to take the house, too.
Oh, look, my grandfather built this house with his bare hands.
My grandma's been here over 60 years.
You can't take her house.
Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS $270,000 in back taxes.
Oh, my God.
We have to take the house.
And if you can't get the money together in 90 days,
we're going to have to sell the house to someone else.
You hate me, don't you?
No, no, no, I don't hate you.
He hates me.
Don't worry, Grandma. Everything's going to be alright.
Hey, look at this place.
Silver Acres Rest Home.
Looks more like a country club than a nursing home.
Nice grass, nice people.
I hope you brought your bathing suit.
I'm telling you, this place is perfect.
You're going to make friends in no time.
Get me out of here!
Hey, just eat that!
Leave us alone!
Grandma, you don't got to do this, you know.
You can come live with me.
Nonsense, dear.
You're a grown man.
I wouldn't burden you like that.
And that's fine.
You tell me, how's that nice girlfriend of yours?
Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead.
Look, I'm telling you, I am going to get that 270 grand
and we're going to get your house back.
That is a promise.
Oh, sure.
In the meantime, just stay here and have some fun.
I will, dear. Don't worry.
Oh, pardon me, but it's nap time.
Alright, Matt, that sounds nice.
You go on.
I love you.
I love you too, darling.
Goodbye.
Hey, buddy.
I want you to do me a favor.
You see that lady?
She's very important to me, okay?
So, I want you to take extra special care of her.
You know what I'm talking about, Ann?
I can't accept that.
But I'll tell you what I can do.
I can take extra special care of that young lady over there.
For nothing.
I appreciate that.
Have a nice afternoon.
Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk?
It helps put me to sleep.
You could trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up.
Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.
Take up an intact.
You're in my world now, Grandma.
Oh, dear.
Hey, I bet you I can hit a ball past that tree.
Hey, moron.
I told you I want to watch the hockey game.
Now, cut that golf sissy crap and finish up in there.
Relax.
Think of it as a way to enjoy your Grandma's possessions
for another half hour.
Oh, my God.
You got a hold of that one.
I'd like to see you try it.
Yeah, it's not as easy as it looks.
Sorry, ladies.
I'm not the golfing type.
I'll tell you what.
You hit a ball past my ball,
and we'll go straight back to work
so you can watch your precious hockey game.
Give me the stupid clubs.
Look at this stupid thing.
This is going to be hilarious, isn't it?
Look, I understand it.
Do you like that?
Yeah.
Holy cow.
Go back to work.
That house is like 400 yards away.
Isn't that good?
That's unbelievable.
It's beginner's luck.
20 bucks says you can't do it again.
Bring it on.
Here you go.
You boys are going to pay for that.
You hit that guy.
He shouldn't have been standing there.
One more time, double or nothing.
You better pay up.
Oops.
All right, maybe we should get back inside.
You made a bet.
Hit him, man.
All right.
Thanks, man.
Tell your friends.
Step right up, folks.
You can out-drive the amazing golf ball wacker guy.
That's great.
Very good.
In those knees, remember that's all the hips.
You're doing great.
All right, 50 bucks.
I can hit it over the highway.
Any takers?
All right.
That's real good.
So long, sucker.
You're like a freak.
How often do you play?
Never.
This is my first time.
Hey, you should play in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.
Yeah.
All right, I'll see you guys there.
He's gonna play.
My God, he's gonna win.
Hey, mister, you gotta wear a helmet.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, bring that stuff on, man.
Oh, God, I love it.
Oh, God, I hurt a little, but I'm all right.
My God, son, what the hell are you doing?
364 more days till next year's hockey trial.
I gotta toughen up.
Yeah!
Oh, God, I felt good.
Yeah!
Come on, boy, cut that out.
You're making me sick.
Hey!
So you're a hockey player, huh?
Yeah.
You gonna give that stuff up?
You gonna concentrate on golf.
Who the hell are you?
I'm the club pro here, Chubbs Peterson.
I'm offering to teach you how to play golf personally.
For free.
No.
You have no idea who I am, do you?
No, I don't.
Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Starr and Obama.
Now what happened?
They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you touch your black?
Hell no.
Damn alligator bit my hand off.
Oh, my God!
Yeah.
Tournament down in Florida.
I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake.
Damn alligator just popped up.
Cut me down in my prime.
He got me.
But I tore one of that bastard's eyes out, though.
Look at that.
You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
I have never seen anybody hit that ball half as far as you can.
You got real talent, kid.
Well, that's nice of you to say, but I've been training to be a hockey player my whole life.
Golf's no different from hockey.
It requires talent, self-discipline.
Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.
You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant, probably a great golfer, huge ass.
Hey, I bet your neighbor, the accountant, can't drive the ball 400 yards.
I bet your neighbor, the accountant, doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour.
How would I do that?
You win the open tomorrow, you're automatically on the Pro Tour.
Then who knows?
Maybe you win the Tour Championship one day.
Get that gold jacket like I never got it.
Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a...
Who?
Yeah.
Oh!
Don't worry about that.
Made of wood.
Real sturdy.
Oh, boy.
Sorry about that.
Look, it was good to meet you, but, uh, yep.
So, uh, all right, I'm outta here.
You know, this is not real smart, kid.
I thought you were pro material.
Time to make the big bucks.
Hey, Chubbs, what kind of big bucks?
Ah!
Assassin!
On July 26th, Austin Powers is bad to the clone.
Austin Powers in gold member.
He's okay!
Graded PG-13.
Opens everywhere July 26th.
Introducing the totally new 2003 Ford Expedition.
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You've got to give it to me.
Loser.
That's his one and only game.
Don't let mini-me swinging moves fool you, baby.
This cat is pure evil.
You see, he doesn't want you to win Taco Bell's smashing game.
He knows when you buy a medium or large drink,
you'll have a chance to instantly win one million dollars or...
He's small and he wants it all.
Don't miss Austin Powers and co-member in theaters July 26th.
Think outside the bun, baby, yeah.
Thanks, it feels good.
The bike is working awesome tonight.
It feels good to get another victory.
Big reaching deal.
Check this out.
Who shot the window?
Was it you, Carmichael?
In my family, if one wants pizza, the other wants Chinese.
Even their stomachs don't agree.
If one gets indigestion, the other one gets heartburn.
If one gets nausea, the other one gets...
Well, so I get Pepto-Bismol.
As it coats, it relieves heartburn, indigestion, upset stomachs, nausea, and diarrhea.
It'd take a box full of other medicines to do what Pepto-Bismol does.
Agree?
Agree.
Pepto-Bismol, first aid for heartburn, diarrhea, nausea, indigestion, and upset stomachs.
Fox tomorrow.
The countdown begins on American Idol.
And now the vote is back in your hands.
These ten finalists are on the verge of a dream come true.
But now, we're taking it to the next level.
Now the tough part begins.
Be there when, for the first time, they perform live in front of a studio audience.
This is about being the best.
Who will survive the pressure? Who will crack?
You vote. You decide.
American Idol, live at a special time at 8.30 tomorrow on Fox.
Presented in part by Coca-Cola.
Stupid golf clubs. Why the hell am I doing this?
Whoa, must be Burt Reynolds or something.
Good morning.
Son, isn't this great?
Blue skies, fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.
You gonna recite me a poem? Easy.
Geez, you love this golf stuff, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Figure a guy your size. Why didn't you play a normal sport like football?
Well, my mama wouldn't sign the permission slip.
Thought it might be a little too dangerous.
Oh, yeah? Good call.
Hey, who's that?
The shorter guy on the right, Doug Thompson.
He's the president of the tour.
The other guy, Shooter McGavin.
Leading money winner this year.
Hey, who's the girl?
Hi, I'm Virginia Bennett, director of public relations for the tour.
Of course, I've heard you've done some really interesting things here.
Public relations.
Really?
Because I'm working on a cross-promotional thing right now.
Geez, you know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.
Sure.
Oh, uh, miss?
Yeah.
Diet?
Right.
By the way, thanks for dressing up.
Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Waterbury Open.
Now, before we tee off, I have a very special treat for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shooter McGavin.
Thank you, Doug.
You know, I saw Doug play yesterday, and I gotta tell you,
this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.
Now, let me get a little serious on you.
Now, you're all aware that today's big winner will be invited to join the Pro Tour,
and I just want you to know that although only one of you gets to be my colleague,
all of you are now my friends.
Thank you.
Now, go get him.
Next up, Lafferty Daniel and Gilmore Happy.
Hey, where you going with those clubs, punk?
Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy.
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
No, no, no, let me carry these, all right?
They're my grandfather's, they're pretty old.
Well, what should I do then?
I don't know.
Why don't you just watch me and make sure I don't do anything stupid, okay?
Mr. Gilmore and Mr. Lafferty will be teeing off now.
All right, good luck, buddy.
Get out of the way.
Where were you on that one, dummy?
Probably the only good one out here all day, huh?
Yeah.
Mr. Gilmore, you're up.
All right.
Time.
Relax, just do what we talked about, huh?
Don't even look at the green.
Make contact with the ball.
There's no goalie out there to block it.
Remember, it's all in the head.
Hey, hey, it's all in the, come on.
Work with me.
It's all in the head.
Yeah, it's all in the head.
It's all in the head.
Get off of me.
He's just easing the tension, baby.
He's just easing the tension.
Well, ease it on someone else.
Come on, do it.
Now we just worry about putting, huh?
Oh, yeah, putting.
All right.
Remember what I said, huh?
Just use your shoulders to push the ball, not your arms.
Don't break the wrist.
And bring that putter back just like that.
You're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.
All right.
Why?
This guy kidding?
This is pathetic.
Yeah!
There you go.
Good shot.
It's about time.
It is about time.
I mean, I just couldn't get the ball in the hole.
Oh, man, that was so much easier than putting.
I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.
Good play.
Did you see that?
Yes.
Nice shot.
He just got a hole in one on a par four.
I know.
I just saw they saw it.
Oh, I hope he wins.
He's a publicist's dream.
I mean, a guy who can drive the ball that far.
Oh, he can really draw a crowd.
You know what else could draw a crowd?
A golfer with an arm going out of his ass.
Yeah!
All right, now, you make this one in four less shots, you win the tournament.
Four shots.
Just think of it this way.
Other team pull a goalie, wide open, all you got to do is tap it in.
I can do that.
Don't worry about it.
You're still in good shape.
All you got to do is just tap it in.
Just tap it in.
Give it a little tappy.
Tap, tap, tap the roof.
Grandma, grandma, grandma, grandma.
All right!
Yeah!
He's doing it.
He's going to be on the tour.
That's super.
That's, that's cute.
Mr. Gilmore.
Virginia Bennett.
I am PR director for the tour.
Nice to meet you.
I just wanted to say welcome and congratulations.
I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That's got to be some kind of record, huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, I got a hockey record.
I took my skate off and tried to stab somebody.
I'm the only guy who ever did that.
That's wonderful.
I'm a little bit bummed though, you know.
I thought we were going to add some money for this.
Oh, well, cheer up.
Well, next week in Portland, the winner takes home $216,000.
Whoa.
How about the guy who comes in last place?
$2400.
All right.
So no matter what, I'm going to get some money.
Yeah.
Well, I'll see you next week then.
All right.
Bye.
Hey, man.
I hate to admit this, but this is my first trophy.
The only problem is that goofy golf guy on top.
Maybe the guy at the trophy store could put a little hockey guy on there.
Who the hell would know?
Happy to shut your trap.
All right.
You were great out there today.
Thank you.
But you weren't that great.
A lot of that was luck.
Well, some might call it luck.
I'd like to call it, well, luck, I guess.
So what?
So I want you to put off joining the Pro Tour for a while.
We got a lot of work to do before you go out there and compete with those real professionals.
Forget it, Chabs.
I learned a lot today.
I'll just pick up the rest as I go along.
Stop being a damn fool.
People would kill to be able to hit the long ball like you.
You've got an advantage over any man that walks out onto the tee.
All we need to do is develop the rest of your game.
Then you'd be unstoppable, son.
You're probably right, but I just can't wait.
I need money.
That's spoken like a true airhead.
Just give me six months.
I'll work with you every day.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I got to go.
I appreciate everything.
Wish me luck.
Best of luck, kid.
Best of luck.
On August 2nd, you're invited to get ready...
Come on!
...for a family comedy event of the summer.
Dana Carby is the Master of Disguise.
Am I not turtle-y enough for the Turtle Club?
Doodle, doodle.
And visit nick.com to see the episodes of the Master of Disguise.
This is what you're doing.
This is what I want you to do.
Did you just tell me to...
Yes.
3PG in theaters everywhere August 2nd.
Introducing McDonald's new Chocolate Banana Triple Thick Milkshake.
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The V6 Nissan Altima.
North American car of the year.
Midnight.
Whose idea was this?
This is going to get ugly.
Real ugly.
Gatorade fierce.
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Great.
Double header.
While we're searching the scallopini, we must add a zest of lemon.
Try saute with a twist.
The new Lemon Chicken Scallopini at Fridays.
Beat the heat with the 2-Hour Simpson Summer Vacation Marathon.
What?
Bring back here.
At a special time.
Starting at 7, 6 Central, Fox Sunday.
One of the original kings of comedy is coming to Fox in a new sketch comedy show.
I'm a cup of coffee.
I'm hot, black and strong.
That dances to a whole new beat.
Cedric the Entertainer presents Wednesday's Fox Fall.
Don't wait.
Get it first on Fox.
Tune in to Fox 29 News at 9 each weeknight.
You'll get everything you want to know.
And you'll get it at 9 o'clock, an hour earlier than the other guys.
Life's busy.
Why wait?
Get it first on Fox.
Don't put your life on hold until the 10 o'clock news.
Watch Fox 29 News at 9.
Get it first on Fox, Fox 29 News at 9.
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Thank you.
Where's Stuart?
This Friday, discover.
This is it.
The most delightful and entertaining movie of the summer.
I'm going.
Stuart Little Two is the best family film this year.
You've got guts, kids.
It's an adventure.
You've got guts, Spongebob.
It will tug at your heart.
I love these people.
And tickle your funny bones.
Hear that?
That was a laugh.
A terrific film for the whole family.
I'm so proud of you.
Stuart Little Two, rated PG.
Opens everywhere Friday.
Germany built the first superhighway.
America put them everywhere.
And now that American-German affinity for things with automotive
is bringing a new level of quality to Dodge.
One of the proud American brands of Daimler-Chrysler.
Complete with a new seven-year or 70,000-mile limited warranty
on the hardest working parts of your vehicle, the powertrain.
On the road to world-class quality.
Dodge.
Marty, if you'd stop yapping your trap for a second, I could tell you.
The price is $200 per quilt.
Yeah, well, this is handmade quality goods we're talking here.
All right.
Good doing business with you.
Okay, listen up, everybody.
Turn up your volumes.
Announcements.
I got good news.
We're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
My fingers hurt.
What's that?
My fingers hurt.
Oh, well, oh.
Now your back's gonna hurt.
Did you just pull landscaping duty?
Hmm.
Anybody else's fingers hurt?
I didn't think so.
Why do you do that to me, huh?
What do you make me act like that in front of everybody, huh?
Mr. Gilmore!
Hey.
Toydie's straight down to the right here.
How's my grandma?
Oh, she's super.
We're just enjoying some arts and crafts time right now.
We're gonna go to Quilter.
Hey.
Wow, that's a tremendous-looking trophy.
Happy.
Aw.
I'm so glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you, too, Grandma.
I've been thinking about you all the time.
Looks like everybody's having fun here, huh?
Yeah.
Hey.
Grandma, good news.
I made the professional golfer's tour.
That's lovely, dude.
Yeah, it is lovely.
You know what else is lovely?
We're gonna figure out a way to beat those other gangs.
We're gonna get the house back.
Oh, thank God.
I can't stand to live in this place in not a minute.
What are you talking about?
I thought you liked it here.
That orderly guy seems very nice.
Don't you like him?
Oh, I do.
I do.
It's just, um...
Well, the air conditioner's broken.
I'm getting a little warm.
Well, just let the kid fix it for you.
All right.
Got the little twisty knobs.
That ain't doing it.
All right.
Ah!
Mister!
Get this off of me!
Mister!
Hang on.
I'll be right down.
Ah!
Uh, you know that mista mista lady?
I think I, uh, just killed her.
Carry on our way, what's up?
There'll be peace when you get far gone.
But you're weary and you rest.
What'd you expect?
Norman spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.
Come on, that's funny.
Yeah, it was funny the first time I heard it.
Oh, drink up.
Hey, anybody's got the keg yet, I'll pump.
All right.
I'm Happy Gilmore.
What's up?
Hey, Happy Mark Lye.
Welcome to the tour.
Thanks.
Yeah, I heard about that ace you had.
What about that?
Yeah.
That's cool.
That's a nice jacket.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
They give you one if you win the tour championship.
Oh, yeah?
What's that?
That's sort of the biggest tournament of the year.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And where's yours?
That's good.
It is a good one.
He's a funny guy.
Uh, well, I'll have mine in, what, three months, guys?
Yeah, not if I have anything doing that you won't.
Whoa, look out.
You better look out, boy.
Hey, if you're not doing anything later, why don't you join us at 9 o'clock on the ninth
green?
What happens there?
That's a secret of the pros.
All right, cool.
Thanks, man.
All right, I'm out of here.
Uh, I hear that asteroid's machine calling my name from the game room, so peace.
Oh, and happy.
Dress nice, huh?
Oh, all right, all right.
Almost 9 o'clock.
Hey, public relations lady, you see Shooter McGavin around?
No, why?
Uh, I just need to beat the living crap out of him.
Wait, let me guess, the old, uh, ninth green at nine trick, huh?
It would appear so, now wouldn't it?
You're right, he does deserve a beating.
But if you beat him up tonight, I've got to get up in the morning and explain to the papers
why the new guy on the tour beat up Shooter McGavin so you see he'd really be making more
work for me.
Oh, I wouldn't want to do that.
Listen, don't worry about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.
He's worried you're going to steal some of his thunder.
That's nice of you to say.
So, uh, all right, I'm going to go change now.
Okay.
Hey, my girlfriend's dead, you know.
She fell off a cliff and died on impact.
Really?
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
You know, um, you should get some sleep, Gilmore.
Tomorrow's a big day.
I'll see you around, it is.
Hello, everybody.
I'm Vern Lundquist along with Jack Beard.
Looks like we're going to have a nice crowd here on this sensational April morning
for the 22nd annual AT&T Invitational.
The field includes a group of elite golfers from around the world.
The favorite has to be Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.
Hey.
Thanks, man.
Hey, hey, hey.
Here's my last buck.
This is the last I'm going to tell you.
Aw, come on.
He's just trying to make some money.
Leave him alone.
I tell you, I don't know what it is about this big winning streak.
I'm on it.
I'm in the zone.
What can I say?
The hole just seems to get bigger.
So how does it feel to be the favorite, Shooter?
Well, I certainly don't think I'm the favorite.
With all the great players here today, it's really anyone's tournament.
I'm trying to do the best I can out there.
I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland.
Every time I come here, it gets harder to leave.
I think you guys put something in the water.
Excuse me.
I got to go play a little golf.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Hey.
I'm a hockey player, but I'm playing golf today.
Name?
Happy Gilmore.
Oh, the guy with the long drive.
What's your caddy's name?
Oh, you guys haven't given me one yet.
Well, on the Pro Tour, you provide your own caddy.
Really?
Ooh.
All right.
Hey, easy with those clubs there, right?
They're antiques.
Gary Potter.
Great to have you on the tour, Happy.
I feel a lot of solid energy coming out of you.
Good, positive aura.
Great.
It's all great.
Yeah, man.
Nice to meet you, man.
I always liked this with the TV cameras and the people and stuff.
Yeah, a lot of pressure.
You got to rise above it.
You got to harness into good energy.
Block out the bad.
Harness, energy, block, bad.
Feel the flow, Happy.
Feel it.
It's circular.
It's like a carousel.
You pay the quarter, you get on the horse.
It goes up and down and around.
Circular.
Circle.
With the music, the flow.
All good things.
Yeah, all right.
Well, great.
Thanks a lot.
Nice to meet you, man.
Psycho.
Next to teal.
Happy, Gilmore.
All right.
Give me a club.
I'll get it.
Man, I'm going to be a stupid.
Sorry.
Psycho.
What a shot by Happy Gilmore.
Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
Happy Gilmore answers right back with a birdie.
Happy with a long eagle opportunity.
It's good!
And Shooter can't believe it.
He is now tied with Happy Gilmore.
Uh oh.
A little too much zip on that one.
Hold it.
Now.
I didn't see that.
Did that go in?
I wasn't watching.
Did it go in the hole?
I wasn't watching.
I know.
I saw it go up.
Did it come back in?
All right.
At the end of the third day, Happy Gilmore has taken the lead.
And Jack, one can't help but be impressed with the vast improvement in his short game.
Hey, Donald.
Shooter.
Hey, great to hear from you.
Do you want to go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?
Uh, no thanks, pal.
I'm not hungry.
Listen, this call's about business.
I need you here in the morning.
Well, it's the final day of the tour championship, and it's shaping up to be quite a classic.
Happy Gilmore leads the pack.
Could there be a changing of the guard?
We'll know in 18 short holds.
Oh, Happy is really on today.
There he is.
That worm.
Happy, look out!
Happy.
Happy, you okay?
Volkswagen.
Jackers!
Ah!
I got serious.
Well, you're a little banged up, but no serious injuries.
Just keep off the feet for a few days.
To hell with that.
I got to finish up.
Fine.
Get whatever you like.
What would I know?
Oh, I'm just a doctor.
Hey, you need any more light?
I'm fine, I'm happy.
There is no shame in throwing in the towel.
It comes to your health.
You can't be too cautious.
Let's just play some golf.
I knew Happy Gilmore was tough, but I can't believe he's going to keep playing after being hit by that car.
Let's hope it doesn't affect his game.
Oh my, that's the first time he's failed to out-drive Shooter McGavin.
Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is human, after all.
Happy Gilmore is in big trouble, Jack. He's lost the power to hit the long ball.
If he's going to have any chance of winning today, he's got to get it done on the green.
Oh, he's really got to focus now. He's got to save this one for par.
Oh my, that bogey drops him out of the lead. If he wants to stay in this thing, he has to calm down and sink some putts.
Don't worry about your grandma, Gilmore. She can live with me. Be my maid.
Look at the cabbage he's in now. Things just keep getting worse for Happy Gilmore.
Alright, just remember what Chubb said. Go to a happy place. Go to a happy place.
Oh, come on!
Well, this looks like the end for Happy Gilmore. Shooter now has a commanding lead.
What's up?
Forgot my due.
Oh, man.
Disney's Tarzan captured our hearts and carried us to a whole new world.
Now, the story continues in Disney's all-new movie, Tarzan and Jane.
Join the wildest couple around...
It's our anniversary, Jane.
...as their two worlds...
You understand my world better than I ever thought.
...come together for one incredible all-new adventure.
Oh, this could get good.
Disney's Tarzan and Jane rated G. Own it on Disney TV and video Tuesday, July 23rd.
Introducing McDonald's new Chocolate Banana Triple Thick Milkshake.
Rich in chocolatey, thick and creamy, with great banana taste. You deserve a shake today.
Want a close shave while avoiding razor burn?
The new Extreme 3 from Schick balances three blades on a central pivot for a close, comfortable shave.
Extreme 3. Get close, not burned.
People Magazine calls Road to Perdition a glorious journey.
A triumph, says Rolling Stone.
Tom Hanks is terrific.
Road to Perdition rated R, now playing.
Buy any new 2002 Mitsubishi and never pay interest. Plus, make no payments for an entire year.
Looks like the best deal in the car business just got better.
Introducing Mitsubishi's Summer Clearance, where you can get any new 2002 Mitsubishi and never pay interest.
Never. Plus, you'll have no car payments for an entire year.
Good on any new 2002 Mitsubishi. Never pay interest. Plus, no payments for one year.
Hurry, because never won't last forever.
This will be an everlasting love.
This will be the one I'm waiting for.
This will be the first time anyone has loved me.
More women use Orthotricyclin than any other birth control pill.
Taken correctly, it's over 99% effective, so you don't worry about getting pregnant till you want to.
And Orthotricyclin is clinically proven to help clear up moderate acne.
The pill does not protect against HIV or sexually transmitted diseases.
Serious risks include blood clots, stroke, and heart attack.
Cigarette smoking increases these risks, especially if you're a smoker over 35.
Women who use the pill are urged not to smoke.
Women who have blood clots, certain cancers, a history of heart attack or stroke,
and those who could be pregnant should not use the pill.
For more information, talk to your healthcare provider.
If you're going to take the pill, why not take Orthotricyclin?
Clinically proven to help your skin look better.
Orthotricyclin. Isn't it great to find the one that's right for you?
This will be...
This July, they're back in black.
Doesn't make it hot.
And things are heating up with the newest BK Back Forge Griller at Burger King.
The Black Stack BBQ Griller.
Men in black, too, and the Black Stack BBQ Griller at BK.
You got it.
Be here, y'all.
On September 8th, the faces of New BN move to WFDC Channel 29.
Make the switch.
The Simpsons, weeknights at 5 and 6 on Fox 29.
Fox tomorrow, the countdown begins on American Idol, and now the vote is back in your hands.
These ten finalists are on the verge of a dream come true.
But now, we're taking it to the next level.
Now the tough part begins.
Be there when, for the first time, they perform live in front of a studio audience.
This is about being the best.
Who will survive the pressure? Who will crack?
You vote. You decide.
American Idol, live at a special time at 8.30 tomorrow on Fox.
Warning. What you are about to see may be too extreme for some viewers.
You'll be shocked. You'll be amazed. You'll be hooked.
By the talent show that's stranger than anything you've ever seen on TV.
30 seconds to fame.
Series premiere Wednesday at 8, 7 Central on Fox.
Happy. Happy, look who's here.
Grandma.
Happy, you look upset. What's wrong?
I don't know what to say. I stink. I'm not gonna win.
Oh, that's all right, sweetheart.
The house isn't important. It's just the house.
Stop fraternizing with the help, Gilmore.
Just hit your ball if you can find it.
Hi, Grandma.
Forget him. I just want you to be happy, darling.
All right, Grandma.
Grandma wants me to be happy.
Shut up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me.
I got my hand back, see?
It ain't over yet, McGavin.
The way I see it, we've only just begun.
Happy, the gold jacket's yours. Shoes, color, choke.
Unbelievable.
Damn, you people. This is golf and a rock concert.
What? Yeah!
Happy Gilmore has really charged in the back nine.
He's now dead even with Shooter McGavin.
And if Shooter doesn't get himself out of this current funk he's in,
he may yet again miss out on the gold jacket.
Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole is a par three, 160 yards.
In the event of a tie, there will be a sudden death playoff.
Mr. Gilmore, you have the honor.
Well, no matter what, I gotta admit, I'm having fun.
Happy Gilmore, you're starting to sound like a golfer.
I know, keep it down.
Oh, nice shot. Right at the pin.
15 feet short of the hole.
Shooter's ball is in the woods and Happy's on the 18th green,
where earlier a car driven by a crazed fan rammed the TV tower.
Excuse me, I just gotta get through, I'm looking for my ball.
Excuse me, thank you, thank you.
Is this your ball? Yes, it is.
It struck my foot. Doug!
Can I get a drop?
The rule says play it as it lies.
That's two, that's far shooter.
Oh, you can count, good for you.
And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.
Looks like you're still away.
Yeah, I'm aware of that. Thank you.
Shooter needs this to keep the pressure on Gilmore. If he misses, Happy can two putt his way to victory.
Shoot on that baby!
If Gilmore can sink this, it will cap an amazing comeback.
Great, now I have a stinking tower blocking my ball.
Don't worry about it, we'll get this cleaned up and you'll finish tomorrow, right Doug?
No, no, he has to hit it now. He has to play the ball as it lies.
No, I did it off Frankenstein's fat foot, remember? Those are the rules. I didn't write them.
I'm afraid he's right. Take a shot, Mr. Gilmore.
Oh, and Virginia, in case you were wondering, my jacket size is 44 long and my right arm's just a little longer than my left.
Happy, hit it around the tower, sink your putt and we'll go to sudden death.
I'll just beat him now.
Good luck.
I know you're going to help me with this one.
Oh my God!
Incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket!
I love you!
Doug, it's impossible! That's my jacket!
Hey, he stole my jacket!
That's Mr. Gilmore!
I will get you, Judah!
Stay still!
Are you coming?
Here's to Chubbs, wherever he is.
Hey, Happy!
Nice jacket.
Oh, you're waving at Happy.
Don't worry, Grandma. Let's go home.
Fox tomorrow, the countdown begins on American Idol and now the vote is back in your hands.
These ten finalists are on the verge of a dream come true, but now we're taking it to the next level.
Now the tough part begins.
Be there when for the first time they perform live in front of a studio audience.
This is about being the best.
Who will survive the pressure? Who will crack?
You vote. You decide. American Idol, live at a special time at 8.30 tomorrow on Fox.
Some people sing. Some people dance. Some shove sharp metal objects down their throats.
You won't believe what real people will do when they only have 30 seconds to impress a studio audience and win a huge cash prize.
It's the fastest, freakiest competition ever. It's 30 Seconds to Fame, premiering at 8, 7 Central, Fox Wednesday.
From the Twin Cities, this is Fox 29 News at 9.
More and more kids are taking Ritalin and Prozac every day. But is it necessary? We'll investigate.
A cobra bite didn't kill him, but now a Duluth man could be in trouble with the law. But first on Fox.
The markets are so volatile. Again, it makes you dizzy.
The stock market took more dips than the wild thing at Valley Fair today. Good evening, I'm Chris Kanangela.
I'm Jordana Green. Investors will listen closely when Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan speaks on Capitol Hill tomorrow.
It was an historic day on Wall Street as stocks plunged more than 400 points before making a spectacular rebound.
Kimmy Milton shows us where stocks ended and why. First on Fox.
A trader of Piper Jaffra here in Minneapolis was quoted today as saying you have as much full-fledged panic as you're going to get.
It was a remarkable day on Wall Street. Normally when the economy does better, the market follows.
But this is the first time the market hasn't gone up in an economic recovery since World War II.
Look at this. The market opened and stocks dropped fast. Unbelievable.
By late morning, the market fell to lows not seen in five years. The Dow plunged 430 points.
Today was really tough. Today was like a kick in the—