You
Graham Kennedy's home video show is proudly sponsored by Mitsubishi and Kentucky Fried Chicken
And welcome to Graham Kennedy's funniest home video show the show where you help us make the program
The show where you might see your next door neighbor, you might see a workmate, you might even see yourself
And now here's Graham
Thank you very much
You're very kind
Now first of all
Don't I look terrific?
You see you're used to seeing me in a shirt and tie and jacket
But I got this and I think it's rather terrific
I went up to Ningan just before they bulldozed it into the thing
Now the problem with this is I may get into trouble because the managing director of what's it called now?
Packer Media?
That's right we can be disrespectful now can't we?
Up your nose Bondi!
The managing director of Packer Media insists that all these on camera people have a tie and a suit on after 6 o'clock
So I'll probably get into trouble then again I don't think he watches
We might be alright
Why have we got so many people in the... have we overbooked?
We have an enormous audience tonight
We have how many people?
147
147 how many chairs?
82
So we can't show you all of this ladies and gentlemen at home but we've had to put them on top of each other and already fun
A lot of people are smiling
I thought I'd give you an idea of how this show is put together
Now you've got to understand we get countless videos sent to us
Last week almost 4 flooded in
And everyone is viewed, every video that is sent to us is viewed by one of our screening team
These are people in a little dungeon they do nothing but watch tape all day long
Now the possibles are weeded out and each video has a card made out with a brief description
Like it might say a Japanese kid kicked in the face something like that
Well I've got some cards here I want to read you some cards because sometimes I think that the cards are funnier than the videos
This little short sighted turtle gets emotionally involved with an army helmet
Camel gets foot caught in Y fronts
Chihuahua tries to mate with a Great Dane
I think somebody put him up to it
Amorous Emu attacks hot water bottle
Amorous Emu, please yourself
Zookeeper revives Frozen Ape by putting her under the gorilla
I think some of these are jokes I don't think, I can smell comedy writers they're fired ones
After the whole show is edited with sound effects and music we show it to our studio audience
endeavoring a new disco
Erst Sol
She's got the moves
Watch in the world
She's the queen of music
When I say I'm gonna do
What I say to you
Am I gonna la la la
La la la la
She's got the moves
La la la la
She's got the moves
Well now you see
Now if you'd like to join our studio audience
and life yourself sick
just ring this number after 9 o'clock
tomorrow morning
Here's an answer to a question I'm asked
every day. Yes, we do
accept home movies
on film. A lot of people
think it's just videotape. No, no
Here's some trick stuff
shot on 16 millimetre film
Mr and Mrs Paul Ruckert
of Brisbane made this film
They also feature in it
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Twelve
Now here's the big surprise. Mr. Ruckett shot that film 50 years ago. He'll be 77 next December.
Thanks for sending your film Mr. Ruckett. 50 years ago. I didn't know they had colour
16 mil film 50 years ago. Obviously they did. Have you ever been to a smorgasbord loaded up
your plate with food then sat down to eat only to discover like Mr. Ruckett that what you thought
was French mustard turned out to be English mustard? If you have then you'll sympathise with
our little Japanese friend. Here he is. My mum told me not to eat the hot mustard. What does she
know? I'm a big boy. Even if it is hot I'm not going to tell her. Hot mustard. Not even hot.
Whoa is that hot. Mummy. No no no. Mummy doesn't have to know. It's burning my brain but I'm fine.
My sinuses are inverted but there's nothing to worry about. I burnt my eyebrows from the inside
but I'm fine. I'm fine. It's hot. I'm breathing through my ears now. You know what? This stuff's
not bad. Hey dad why don't you try some. Poor kid I think it really did. His eyes went slanty and
everything. One of the biggest drawbacks of being a producer in this business is that no matter how
many rehearsals you have there's no guarantee that the performers are going to do it right on the
night. It's hard to be a sensitive ballet dancer when the stage is full of other people, musical
instruments and a hole. You've heard of the dance of the sugar plums. Well here's the dance of the
tomatoes and the tomato on the right is peeling. These little boys are watching a barbershop quartet.
They're not listening just watching. The boy second from the right noticed that one of the barbers
got dressed in a hurry. Say your flies open and your pants are without glasses.
Confucius say you shouldn't blow your own trumpet when you have no sense of balance.
After the break which will have too many commercials in it, god this station is greedy.
It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing and rubber dub dub two men out of a tub.
There has never been a better time to buy a Magna, Australia's most awarded car. The big 2.6 litre
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The Magna with free automatic transmission from Mitsubishi.
In this week's new idea inside Fortress Royal and how Diana outsmarted the hit squads.
Life begins at 40 for lonely Princess Anne and why Stephanie fled from shocks over her jailbird
lover. There are startling new revelations of Frank Sinatra's shocking secrets of hatred,
cheating and bitter family feuds. We reveal how Hoag's gagged God and the surprising romance
between the Hilton Hotel tycoon and a Queensland bikini model. There's Doris Greaves' Star Guide
and this dazzling pendant is yours. New idea the world's biggest selling weekly magazine for women
right now. It's that time of the year rent a tv from just 89 cents a day twice a year we offer
you exceptional rates bcr from just 89 cents a day so you not only get great service sound systems
from an amazing 89 cents a day you also get great value rent a sharp microwave oven from just 89
cents a day from now until the end of july turn to us during our stock take clearance
Saturday let yourself go for two crazy hours on hey hey it's Saturday with boom crash opera
peter blakely and tommy emmanuel 6 30 on nine
welcome back to graham kennedy's funniest home video show this show is rated g
which of course stands for gross there aren't too many shows where the whole family can sit
down together and watch other families destroying each other are they here's a smart little girl
she knows better than to sit on a swing
this one's called swing your brother
but of course when you're a mature adult you know just what you can do you even get your
family to help you get a good start swinging's easy landing's not
if you have a funny video of an accident in the playground nothing terminal preferably or minor
indiscretions in the bicycle shed send it off to us together with a couple of dollars if you'd like
your tape return here's where you send it and this is what you could win our weekly winners will
receive a state-of-the-art jvc video movie camera runners-up will win a twin speed video recorder
and third place getters will take away a 36 centimeter remote control color tv set at the
end of the series these fabulous prizes will be up for grabs an unforgettable trip for two to london
flying quantas airways the spirit of australia with top class accommodation and sightseeing
courtesy of quantas jet about holidays a five-door mitsubishi lancer hatch glx with 1.5 liter
multi-point injection engine and mag wheels your car for the 90s and the ultimate price for the
home video fan a superb audio visual package for the home and car from jvc valued at over 20 000
if you'd like to enter our competition please send your funny videos to graham kennedy's
funniest home video show lock bag double nine double nine crows nest new south wales 2065
to be eligible for our contest videos must be exclusive to graham kennedy's funniest home video
show best of luck this next piece is all about people getting wet it's just one damp thing after
another have you ever noticed that on a family outing there's always one clumsy relative
now here's a trial of a neat little boat if you fall out the boat just circles around and picks
you up sometimes the first rule of windsurfing is to make sure you know which direction the wind
is coming from now this man has a four-wheel drive hooked onto his boat which is called heroin
now everyone knows you should never get hooked on heroin it just drags you down
and down and down
soon we'll see a daredevil kid run a wobbly race and a fast asleep chela with a wobbly face
and
on the nine network this is earth quest the pearl coast of western australia has a priceless role in
saving our endangered bird life the story after this new light bix has no added sugar no added salt
and no added fat which helps control my weight it has plenty of fiber plus the natural goodness
and great natural taste of whole grain wheat i believe you are what you eat for half of australia's
53 parrot species the future is bleak because of smuggling disease and destruction of habitat
to ensure their survival sanctuaries like the pearl coast zoo in broome have set up special
breeding programs with its exotic collection the zoo is leading the way in preserving tropical
parrot species like the great palm cockatoo only five are known to be in captivity i'm jennifer
burn for earth quest
taking care of a mitsubishi needs dedicated trained staff
use anyone else and they may upset your car
after all who else but mitsubishi should take care of a mitsubishi
see ya why the melbourne big no contest mate the melbourne big is accurate
it lists every business in melbourne and what's more it's months more up to date than telecom's
yellow pages melbourne big
lovers whiskey it's thank you brunson if you could put your bathroom under a microscope
you'd see why you need hospital grade direct direct kills germs on contact strips grind mold
hospital grade direct also a new fish scent makes your bathroom clinically clean i'm very
apprehensive garf whittler you gotta watch david longy and don chip on politics i don't think i've
got a great hope simon o'donnell andrew gaze lisa no no chance they're both pretty thick aren't they
and lisa curry on sports i'd like to quinoa but newton peter topano i think bird me and cameron
jada on entertainment there's a fair chance we're all going to make large gopes of ourselves george
diggers mike carvin and jennifer burne on current affairs sale of the century's biggest week ever
begins monday night online
and it's back to the mayhem mayhem with gray hair i've loved that beginning with a couple of punch
ups and a couple of very sudden stops the little boy is saying i've got a black belt and the little
girl is saying that's nothing i've got a big stick pillow fights just before bedtime are great fun
and no one really gets hurt okay boys that's enough come on lights out
down by the station early in the morning see the little puff puff fall down a hole
oh
look mum pedal pedal look mum wobble wobble look mum crash
no one was hurt no one ever gets hurt that child was not injured he's dead
in this next video compile all the people are having fun
al fresco yes al al fresco wasn't he named in the fitzgerald inquiry i'm sure al fresco
oh no i can't eat any more pie another bite and who knows what will happen no no
hey boys i don't know how to hear that i'm sick and tired of these stale
leftover bread crumbs he's throwing at us what did you think we are pigeons
they're not even salted i've got an idea let's get up come on come on go for the bag
penguins are supposed to love the water and that but oh it's cold but i don't feel like a swim
oh there's an oil slick probably full of sharks oh give it a miss today maybe tomorrow
oh he's a cute little fellow wasn't he wonder what they taste like
as i'm sure you will have noticed we add to the videos you send us we put in commentaries and
music and sound effects i mean we get very few videos where a person falls off a horse and goes
boing hardly any at all but in this next group all the people in this next compile have one thing in
common they all make funny noises well we all do don't we sometimes this is little emily she was
trying to have a nap but the tv was on this little bloke needs to tune up and agrees and all change
oh
maybe he needs his head aligned and his ears rotated
hi lindsey i think someone off camera just finished eating a big lunch
oh
this vibrating chair vibrates everything including this kid's voice
oh
someone's just eaten a horse burger
if you have a clever idea for a home video but don't have a video camera well we've sold all your
problems all you have to do is send your idea to our producer and if he thinks it's interesting
enough we'll arrange for you to borrow a video camera from brashers there's one near you they're
video camera specialists and the 70 brashers stores throughout australia we'll let you have one for a
whole week you never know it could be amusing and you could win this our weekly winners will receive
a state-of-the-art jbc video movie camera runners-up will win a twin speed video recorder and third
place getters will take away a 36 centimeter remote control color tv set to enter please send your
funny home videos to lock bag double nine double nine crows nest new south wales 2065 if you'd like
your tape returned please enclose two dollars for handling and remember all videos must be exclusive
to this show to be eligible good luck now here's a deal to make you lick your lips get a kernel
burger plus a server of chips at a dollar 99 it's a real steal it's a dollar 99 kernel burger deal
i can't wait i can't i can't wait and i feel like this is too good to last so get a kernel burger
deal and get it fast fill the gun with a kernel burger deal i can't wait do you hear uh john ojone
here first no what for i don't know
i'll set a small screwdriver i'll set that small screwdriver will you make someone told him he'd
love the work no yeah good work john oh thanks sarge i don't see much of his mates thanks sarge
hey watch it way to go well john oh yeah i reckon
bye mom bye don't want your mom are you sure you need all this yes okay let's go
go you said you went before we met
because they learn from you every day it's important to set the right examples
of the right examples
so when it comes to protecting their teeth use colgate fluoroguard the fluoride in colgate gets
in to toughen teeth and prevent decay every time they use it colgate fluoroguard and you
dad because only your dentist can give their teeth a better fluoride treatment
ladies and gentlemen boys and girls the great mosco circus is coming to the melbourne sports
and entertainment center and due to the huge demand for tickets two extra shows have been
scheduled for sunday the 22nd of july this means there are now eight shows on sale tickets are
available today at bass for the entire season which starts on wednesday the 18th of july the
great mosco circus an ideal school holiday outing seats are definitely still available
especially for the two extra shows but hurry no further extension possible next on night
a few of those silly mistakes more comedy coming your way excuse me with hail and pace
us
just before we announce tonight's winners here's another example of the extraordinary lengths to
which some people will go in order to get on our unbelievably successful show
oh
where does he buy his clothes that's right a 50 off sale
should i take the blame you were the one who left me
do you know where that blokes i don't know where that blokes from
i don't it's not a local one it's he's from over england probably from england
probably from middle sex in third place this week winning the remote control portable tv set
our pnv gray of albian park rail in new south wales who sent us the little boy on wobbly wheels
no one was hurt our second place winner is bill byford from mcleod in victoria bill sent us
bill gets a two-speed bcr for sending us his entry of the four-wheel drive launch
and tonight's winner
it's longer and longer i swear is danny mcginley of cambridge park new south wales
who now has a state-of-the-art jbc video movie camera he sent us the on and off again trumpeter
congratulations danny you and our other winners tonight now go into the grand final
the end of the series you might win all kinds of things what's this i've just been handed a late
video i think although yes it is a late video well listen don't just stand there like christopher's
case at a bank manager's meeting bob whack it in the old jvc vcr good night go on bob play it now
whoops she seems to have slipped on something what is it
it can't hear over those damn bells look at that i'm trying to give him the slip
oh
more fun still to come stay with nine for the comedy skits of hail and pace
followed to date 30 by the best in australian drama from the flying doctors
tomorrow night in birks backyard don burke introduces netball star and sergeant create your own water
feature grow your own avocados and meet the gremlins of the dog world so much to enjoy every
friday night at 7 30
oh
graham kennedy's home video show was proudly sponsored by kentucky fried chicken and mitsubishi
doris day and rotter star in a marvelous battle mix up all about love and laughter what's he doing
in parrot do not understand friday 8 30 online
okay here we go another sensational sound from mr billy ocean to get you all dancing
yeah i don't know what i'm doing wrong here i've tried everything soul motown reggae i just can't
get them to dance
so
okay tomorrow on world affairs we devote the entire program to a film from