Let's put it into perspective. People spend more than this on food every year.
And there's not even a remote chance you'll get your money back on that.
And against the scratches now appearing in chip packets,
it's hoped the kids can help double the 11 billion by this time next year.
Mikey, Indira, Matt, you're in the spotlight.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, abstract art.
Matt? Oh, he's got a turkey baster. Heaps of sheep.
Lots of sheep, running for Mikey.
Okay.
That's the first thing, they were little dots.
Our first thing was, our first thing was...
Something microscopic.
Something microscopic, yeah. Tiny little...
It looked like abstract art.
Tiny little sheep.
Tiny, yeah.
Microscopic sheep.
No, this is...
Cells.
Cells. This is a story from Victoria. I think it's a university down there and private enterprise.
Talking about growing parts for, extra parts for humans, inside sheep.
Which is good because you get a leg and a leg of lamb.
Nice to come back, they do have five points.
A Melbourne hospital and research company have come up with a technique for creating
human spare parts by growing human cells in sheep.
You know, they've been trying that in New Zealand for years.
You know, you've changed it, Celestia, for sure.
What the hell, I'll get in early before anyone else does.
I just say for all the people watching regional areas where the sheep industry's been in trouble,
this is value adding, growing people inside your sheep.
This is going to mean a huge boom out, Goulburn Way, where you got the big marina.
Julie, for the last time, it's made of concrete.
Yeah, but people go into it, why can't they come out?
After the treatment, doctors recommend bed rest, antibiotics,
regular daggering and worming three times a year.
It's cost effective too. Nurses are unnecessary because an entire ward of patients can be
looked after by two Kelpies and a board of colleagues.
I'm not going to be there.
I'm going to be there.
Paul, that's been going on in Victoria for years.
They can't afford the board of colleague these days.
He's running the place.
I feel like I'm in the middle of the tennis match.
Actually, the board of colleague does fruit fly inspection.
You can have your show back, Martina.
Of course, there are side effects. Patients often develop an unnatural fear of mint sauce.
And while the success rate of the procedure is very good,
quite a few patients have been killed by foxes.
So after one whirly round of good news, we at the Macrossan team are on five points.
Robin, Steve, five points.
During the break, as we flicked over to C-Change,
both teams were given three clues to a recent strange but true story.
Excuse me, my monitor, I can't get C-Change properly here.
Can somebody fix that, please?
Come on, I've got it in mine.
All right.
That's great.
What's Diver Dan up to now?
I think Sigrid's going down to see the jetty again.
This is the episode where they kill the children and eat them.
Oh, the blood!
A shark just ate Sigrid's leg.
She'll never dance again.
Now I see where Bob Jelly's name comes from.
Macrossan, Deddon and Griggs have grapes.
I've got a very large quantity of grapes.
Dead meat.
This is actually rump.
No, no.
Culture vultures.
This is the off-cuts from Richard Roxburgh's performance as Percy Granger.
This is...
This is the off-cuts from Richard Roxburgh's performance as Percy Granger.
This is the off-cuts from Richard Roxburgh's performance as Percy Granger.
This is...
The love and freshly plopped.
And this...
Thank heavens for little girls, cause little girls go, love you every day.
That's amazing.
I had exactly the same dream last night.
You know, Bill Wyman wrote that song.
Oh, no.
And Robins, Naidoo and Day received...
Hair.
That's the first time Ray Martin's been on Channel 10.
Evil spirits.
A little urine sample that Andrew Denton provided for us earlier.
We'll drug test it later.
Won't have to squeeze him hard, too.
Good thing I didn't vent the spleen.
Most of it came out of his ear.
And finally this.
Like a virgin.
Like a virgin.
Touched for the very first time today.
Touched for the very first time today.
Mike, you're still working hard with the hair there.
No, you look like Cher.
No, you look like Cher.
Now I look like Cher.
That's after the last facelift.
I'd like to apologise.
Oh, you're like Cher's watching.
She's watching Sea Change.
We'll get back to you on that.
To start round two, a game called...
Don't Quote Me.
Andrew, what do these three gentlemen refer?
I wasn't trained as well as I could be.
And everything I was trained in...
...was a game called Don't Quote Me.
And you're not going to be able to do that.
You're going to be a real
professional.
You're going to be a real professional.
And everything I was trained in, I did on the day.
Thus it would not be appropriate for us to make any immediate comments.
Thus it would not be appropriate for us to make any immediate comments.
It shows the low road of attacking its own people.
It shows the low road of attacking its own people.
For that, there can be no forgiveness.
This will be the funniest story in the news this week actually.
The death of two men at the SIO refinery last year.
The death of two men at the SIO refinery last year.
The inquiry which found that ESSO,
the fabulous multinational,
who actually have a monopoly on gas in Victoria,
were in fact responsible for the explosion.
Hadn't trained their people well enough.
Hadn't trained their people well enough.
They're the sort of people that, but they blame their workers.
ESSO blame the workers.
They're the kind of people that would have blamed John F. Kennedy for having too soft a head.
Rather than Lee Harvey Oswald for shooting him.
Rather than Lee Harvey Oswald for shooting him.
There is a beautiful punchline to all of this though,
There is a beautiful punchline to all of this though,
which is that in Victoria,
thanks to Jeff Kennett,
there's no longer any work covered legislation.
So the guys that got burnt and badly injured
can't sue for compensation.
Which of course means if Jeff Kennett were to
trip over his tongue in Parliament House
and choke to death on it, he himself couldn't sue either
and wouldn't that be a shame?
Andrew Dennett!
He has it right! Three points!
Andrew Dennett!
I believe um,
Page one of the training manual was,
if you smell gas, try and look for it.
ESSO faces one of the biggest lawsuits
in Australian history after a damning report
blamed them for the Longfoot explosion
which killed two men and plunged Victoria
into a gas crisis.
But while ESSO did breach the Occupational Health
and Safety Act, they were still well within
the guidelines of the We Don't Give a Shit Act.
Indira, three quotes for you.
Okay.
Very attractive man.
We of course welcome the additional money.
We are attractive.
Now as we all know,
politicians find it very hard to get sex in Australia.
So what they've decided to do is
So what they've decided to do is set up a
politician sex tour through Asia.
And that's what Mr Rudduck's talking about
in his little grab.
John Howard still won't accept it.
He still thinks that they're very attractive.
He's not gonna go.
And Simon Crean's concerned about the expense.
Am I close?
No.
This is what's wrong
with the whole news service at SBS.
Since Yana arrived,
it's been root, root, root, root, root, root, root.
I tell you what, I'm changing channels.
With all due respect,
that's the least believable thing about Australian politics
we've ever seen since Johnny McMahon
stepped out with Billy.
Can't go with that one.
Okay, if you can't believe that, I'll come and get the point.
I'll come up with a second attempt.
We've had a lot of
people trying to sneak
into Australia.
And they're going to spend more money to try to
defend our shores from the
yellow peril coming around.
So they're...
Pauline Hanson's happy.
They're right.
Three points.
The government has announced
a four year, $124 million
program to detect and deter
illegal immigration. John Howard explained
that illegal aliens were trying to sneak into
Australia because the place was so attractive.
But he promised it would be a lot less attractive
by the end of his second term in government.
As a...
As an added precaution against boat people
landing along the sparsely populated northern coastline,
the government is erecting a series of
signs saying, welcome to East Timor.
The current system
just doesn't make sense when illegal immigrants
are picked up on some remote
East Coast beach. They're flown all the way
over to Western Australia. Then we
put them on a flight home. By the end
of all that, they have enough frequent flyer points
to come back again.
Our next game is giving headline
Julie two points for every headline you can explain.
Beginning with
its timing. Women like a man
for all seasons. What's it about?
I think this is a story
about women emitting
hormones, men emitting smells, and when
that sniffing activity happens, they come together.
Well no, it depends what time of the year it is.
When it's summer they like people like Sean Connery
and when it's winter they like people like Sean Connery
and when it's spring they like people like Sean Connery
and when it's autumn they like people like Sean Connery
and when it's one Sunday of Ilepi they like
people like me.
Essentially it's women like particular men in particular seasons.
Thank you very much. Two points for Julie.
Scientists have discovered that women's taste in men changes
depending on where they are in their monthly cycle.
When they're most fertile they prefer masculine men like George Clooney.
But at other times they favor the more feminine looks of Leonardo DiCaprio.
The boffins also found near the end of the cycle when most women are pre-menstrual,
it's probably best not to ask them any stupid questions.
There is a time in a woman's cycle where she wants men like me.
And that's the PMT part of it, because they know I've got the chocolate.
And what do you mean just at the end of the cycle not to ask stupid questions?
Isn't that what men do all the time?
Paul, just looking at it in here I wouldn't respond to that if I were you.
I'm not going to ask a question.
In a second my water's gone off.
The machinery's not working.
They've been in a room together for ten minutes and their periods are going together.
This is extraordinary.
Look at the tide! Look at the tide!
Next headline, Crime Gene will sway court.
Oh, Gene Kelly, the murdering bastard!
Is that wrong? I'm sorry.
I'd say this is a situation where someone in court charged with a serious offence
is saying it was an inherited trade, he couldn't do it, he had no intent,
and therefore he should be fined.
That was O.J. Simpson, wasn't it?
Who's been talking about it lately? Anyone know?
Was that Luthwaite?
No, no, no.
We're saying that it's about someone saying they couldn't be found guilty
because they inherited a tendency and they couldn't help themselves.
And who that someone is, because it's a court case, we're not going to reveal their name.
I'm going to give you one point, Norman.
High Court Justice Michael Kirby has predicted the genes which help explain criminal behaviour
will soon be discovered and used as evidence in future court cases.
Oh, yes. We knew that.
To prove you've got criminal genes, you just have to pop into your local CSIRO DNA testing lab
and steal something.
And now we have the last one.
A net gain for the School of Virtual Reality.
A company has endeavoured to set up a school on the internet,
and they've had some difficulty because this has never happened before,
and so therefore the bureaucracy that approved schools
didn't know whether they could have a virtual grammar school.
But as I understand it, there seems a good chance that they are going to be able to set up a school
where you can do your last two years of high school through the internet.
Yeah, the only problem is you have to give yourself six of the best.
Well, maybe that's not a problem for you.
No, that's not a problem.
Percy Granger again.
I've done a few websites where you have to give yourself six of the best.
Alright, they have it. Two points. You've stopped an hour, Mr Bolger.
Australia's first virtual high school net gain.
Australia's first virtual high school net grammar is about to become a reality.
It has no classrooms, science labs or gymnasium,
but it does have a virtual bike shed,
which you can hide behind for a virtual ciggy between classes.
There'll even be special teacher messages flashed onto the screen at random,
including, you won't learn anything staring at windows.
Are you emailing notes?
Oh, don't tell me. The dog ate your modem.
If there's no classrooms, no facilities, no face-to-face teaching,
isn't that just Victoria?
In the mood for a little headline, Mr Robbins?
Oh, well, here we go. Anything, darling.
Oh, here we go. We can't run so fast without jeans falling down.
Gene Kelly again.
This is actually a story about one of the problems of modern man.
Modern man, not as fast as primitive man.
Because primitive man, they catch his stake.
Whereas we can just saunter up stallion-throt in the basket.
So they're saying that genetically, primitive man, like in a running race,
would beat modern man, but then modern man could shoot him.
Two points.
Sydney scientists have discovered a gene associated with human muscle power,
which is dying out apparently because our survival no longer depends
on hunting animals or fleeing from enemies.
The animals we eat today, like chickens, pigs and cows,
aren't very difficult to catch.
If God had meant them to be, he would have given them cars.
And for the times when men hunted for food,
they were stupid, aggressive and able to run fast.
Now they can't run fast.
Dex had long caught in a traffic jam. What's it about?
It's actually about the reason why, well, one of the theories why,
I think whales and dolphins and sea mammals beat themselves regularly.
It's actually so they can get some factor 15 rubbed on them. They like that.
I think it might have something to do with all the sonar and old landmines
and sweeping gear in the water.
And it throws off their sense of direction.
Because, you know, whales and dolphins are so smart,
one never hears of mullet beaching themselves.
I mean, I always like the Japanese approach.
If you want to get a whale off a beach, you put down four tonnes of wasabi.
They get the hint and they roll themselves back in.
I think whales are beating themselves currently
because our Collins class submarines, the noises drive them mad.
Everyone's right. Another two points.
Underwater noise pollution could be having a major impact on marine life
by altering the environment and forcing changes in whale and dolphin behaviour.
In heavy traffic areas, it's getting so noisy
that whales can hardly hear themselves sing.
Awwww!
Apparently there's only one noise whales hate more than an outboard motor
and that's dashi blows in Japanese or Norwegian.
And the last one now for Mikey Robbins.
Crash Panache.
Actually, Crash Panache was a rock band in the Neuromantic period.
This is a story about working on a car.
We have cars with airbags and seatbelts and they make them safer.
They're now somehow sorting out a car that can sense it's going to get into an accident.
Like basically, the person behind the wheel's pissed.
With various radar and sensor detectors.
So it will avoid an accident situation.
In fact, the car doesn't ever leave the garage.
So what does the car do? Does it actually, you're about to have an accident and it says, uh oh.
Actually no, it talks for a while then David Hasselhoff gets in and takes over.
He does have it right, another two points.
US and Japanese researchers are developing a smart car
which will avoid accidents by predicting what drivers will do
and overriding the move if it's too dangerous.
Remember when Sam Newman got knocked down?
That was by a smart car.
The driver tried to stop but the car knew exactly what it was doing.
Compared to Sam they're all smart cars.
But this car is no good for drive by shootings because in the middle of the night
the car becomes wracked with guilt and drives to the nearest police station and confesses to everything.
Volvo is working on a similar system but it doesn't override the controls
when you're about to do something dangerous.
It just calls out to the other motorists on the road, get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
It's good news week!
The game is seven days and seven seconds.
Are you ready teams? Yes. Yes.
Alright then it's time for the videotape. Let's roll it.
Music
No there isn't. Okay Joanna, Andrew, Julie, we're going to throw to you for the first story.
Mr Murdoch has done the classic older man thing, left a very good intelligent wife
for a younger woman, not that I'm knocking the girl, I hope she loves him.
Yes, got married on the yoke of the morning glory which traditionally means an erection
and I just can't, I'm sorry, I'm in his sevenies.
Joanna, is it true that they call it a morning glory?
Why are you asking me?
Madden, Deere and Mikey, second story.
It's Zena Guzmau.
In Timor. Yeah in Timor, in East Timor.
There's the Deere of the independence movement.
And Will?
Talks between the factions and the UN wants to put back the vote by a couple of weeks
but they still want to go ahead with it.
And he was meeting... Guzmau and who else was there?
Jose Ramoschorta. Thank you.
SBS.
Third story.
It's the return of our World Cup cricket champions.
The champions of the ticker tape parades in both Melbourne and Sydney.
Hello hockey ruse and you did a top job too.
John Howard who sent a letter to them congratulating the Australian women's cricket team.
He's died to the hockey ruse.
He sent a letter congratulating the Australian women's cricket team.
Australia got to touch the golden orb. Shame warns buttocks. We all reached out.
Oh yuck.
Fourth story.
Was the Cosmo concert...
Nigel Kennedy.
The violinist, the first westerner to play in Cosmo since the NATO bombing.
As if they haven't got enough trouble.
Could have been Kenny G.
Could have been Kenny.
Going on to number five. Story number five.
It's the Harbour Bridge.
Yes and fireworks. It's to do with the Millennium celebration.
Yes, yes, yes. What about them?
The biggest fireworks ever.
Yes, yes but what else is about them?
It's like the giant morning glory. Everything shoots up in the air.
All the unions of course don't want to work on midnight to set off the fireworks.
Because it's New Year's Eve and the whole world is going to go to hell in a handbasket because of the YGK bug.
And they want to put you there in their jumbo jets crashing to their death.
Okay, I'll give it to you. Two points.
I just threw the ball.
Let's go back to number six.
Addressing the nation. Johnny Howland.
Yep.
On the GST. Having passed through his passage. No.
Passage, passage through his passage. Sorry.
Matt, if you want to say it's passed through his passage you just say it.
I just did.
I'm not going to throw the last story over to anyone.
It's a monopoly scam and people because they're basically too similar to the game they had last year.
And there's huge complaints because everyone's winning like all these prizes but they're not actually winning because they have different codes on this year's ones.
They have a former judge to investigate it independently for them.
He's known as Judge McHenry.
There's two differences.
There's two differences.
There's actually a different lettering on this year's as close to last year's and there's also a code in the top corner.
Look at that bounce.
Mine wins.
Mine wins. McDonald's monopoly scam.
Actually stand up one second, Derek.
What?
That would be something. The alleged.
Look at this.
I'm like.
I'm going to give two points to Johanna.
The stories were Rupert Murdoch remarries, saves money by using a team of sleazy paparazzi to do the wedding shots.
Kerry Packer refuses to be best man unless he gets 20% share in the bride.
Independence Crusader Jose Ramos-Porta returns to East Timor after 23 years saying everything looks a lot smaller now, particularly the population.
In Sydney Australia's World Cup cricketers are showered with paper thrown from windows while in Pakistan piles of paper are showered with World Cup cricketers thrown from windows.
The punk violinist Nigel Kennedy gives a pro-serving concert in Belgrade playing Mozart's concerto for violin and submachine gun in a flat village.
Unions demand New Year's Eve be declared a public holiday so they can get an extra loading.
Employers don't object because the Y2K bug will wipe out all records of it anyway.
Internationally televised address John Howard spells out the benefits of the GST but completely ruins his credibility by attempting to smile.
And McDonald's appoints a retired federal court judge to investigate the Mcmatch and win monopoly competition.
The same judge who presided over the Lindy Chamberlain case.
While he's used to dealing with takeaway.
I have a tiny theory about who might be behind the whole McDonald's controversial scandal and commelaction.
And the GLA.
They appointed some clown to investigate it.
Around 2,000 people have had claims for prizes to McDonald's Mcmatch and win rejected because they allegedly used stickers from last year's game.
McDonald's has a strict rule. They stop paying out on the stickers when they reach a certain age.
They use the same principle with their staff.
The chairman of McDonald's Australia has accused the 2,000 claimants of willfully breaking the rules of the competition.
That's a bit rich. I mean it's not as if they were painting grill marks on their prize tokens is it?
That lot are now on 21 points. That lot's 25.
Moving on now to usual suspects.
Three people linked by a common thread. Find that thread and identify the final member of the line up.
Joanna.
Your suspects are.
JD Salinger.
WB Yeats.
And Roberto Benigni.
Who's next?
Sal Bello.
These are three people that Jeff Fennec has never read but would love to fight.
To beat the crap out of these guys.
You're saying Jeff Fennec is the missing head.
Could be but no.
This would have to do with the new guidelines that are coming in for HSE studies.
We've got Salinger, Catcher in the Rye author of the literature.
We've got Yeats, Fabulous Poet.
Roberto Benigni, just a man who I just love to pieces.
I'm quite similar in a lot of things.
Could you run around on furniture and be very Italian?
Now?
Every time Paul gets up on furniture his mother hits him with a rolled up newspaper.
Roberto Benigni from Life is Beautiful for the Film.
So the next medium would be TV and I think it's that gem of a character.
Mike Moore.
Rob is playing Mike Moore so it's for Frontline to go in for the HSE.
And it's going to be studied in New South Wales schools.
Yep.
See you later.
That's it.
I took a review first.
Look at Mike Moore.
Kelly gave you a small secret to her heart there so that must be worth another point.
Remember there are no prizes.
What do you call this good buddy?
You'll be taking that home to feed the family of four.
I've got to live in it.
There's a contest for you.
Make four strangers live inside a piece of meat for a month.
How stupid do you think?
Oh never mind.
The New South Wales government has announced major changes to the English syllabus for next year's Year 12 exams.
Students will study classic literature like Shakespeare as well as more contemporary pieces like Star Wars, Life is Beautiful and Frontline.
It's important young people are taught about the original Star Wars so they know exactly how short change to feel when they see the Phantom Menace.
And bonus points will be awarded to any student who can make it to the end of a Police Academy movie festival.
There will be some difficult questions in the exam too like compare and contrast Heather Locklear in Melrose Place with Heather Locklear in Dinnitsy.
It's simple she's ten years younger in Melrose Place.
The government decided to include film and TV in the syllabus so the inability of New South Wales kids to read and write wouldn't disadvantage them in their final exams.
And by getting students to study movies and TV they're learning all the skills they'll need for when they're long term unemployed.
Matt your usual suspects are Auckland, the Titanic, the Black Hawk helicopter. Who is next?
The power grid went down in Auckland. The Titanic went down. Black Hawk went down. So it's gotta be Monica Lewinsky.
It actually looks like the cigar doesn't it? It does look a bit more like the cigar.
There's your second. Two. Matt Day. Two.
Things that don't work I'd say it's the Collins class submarine. HMA is lemon.
Let's just see if Matt's right. Oh it's a surprise. Three points for Mr Matt Day.
It's the Collins class submarine of course and it's a broken kind of thing.
The Navy has been told to replace the outdated computer combat system in the Collins class with modern off the shelf software similar to a Sony PlayStation.
It's the only way to foil an attack by our nearest potential enemy. Crash Bandicoot.
The thing in WA recently they had that ship they were going to sink and they got Mario to land right on top of it.
The PlayStation technology is small, compact and easy to use compared to the Defence Department's current system which is the size of a table operated by two flippers down one end.
And tilts if you get too enthusiastic. It also costs two dollars for three balls. Money the Navy just can't afford.
The only problem with using computer game technology is if the battle drags on too long the sub commander's mother will burst in, pull the plug and send him outside to get some fresh air.
The sailors are very happy with the PlayStation technology but what they really would like is a CD stacker and some big bass speakers up the back of the sub to drown out that clunking noise.
Actually the big strip on the back if this subs rocking don't bother them.
Or my favourite, you see it sometimes in broken down old Volkswagen's, my other sub's a piece of shit too.
This sub isn't that badly designed, the only thing they haven't got right is the outdoor barbecue pit. Once they've conquered that, the thing's out there.
Of course we can never let the Collins class go out to sea. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if one of our Navy crews had to be rescued by a lone French yachtman?
Them and Alan, 24 points, them 23 points.
Time for the climax. Julie, Andrew, Joanna, you're strange but true clues what?
Oh I'm just excited, I want to show you my clue.
Sorry I got aroused.
Ever since I heard about that glory thing.
Julie, Andrew, Joanna, your strange but true clues were the grape.
I just, I want to do a slight action to assist in this understanding of my prop. As you know there are grapes.
You're not going to take your shoes off are you?
I have perfect hygiene, you don't want to join me?
Absolutely not.
No Joanna please.
My feet are too big, they wouldn't fit in that.
No, no go on. You don't have to use your feet, just roll around in it.
Alan I don't see what you're laughing at Andrew, could you please get in too?
I can't, we've got to be sea changed somehow. All three, making women in a tub of wine.
You try doing that Sigourney.
Sigourney?
Sigourney? I don't know.
Yeah, yeah let that be a lesson to you Siegfried.
And you too Joanna Dan.
If you could just imagine for a moment that I am a French maid in a great big tub of grapes.
Oh!
Okay the next, the dead meat.
Oh no!
We're going to be raffling that off later.
Oh god Jesus Christ!
And this.
Thank you aunts for little girls, cause little girls get lovelier every day.
Look at that bone structure one more time.
Yours isn't bad either.
Do you want to kick it off Joanna?
This T bone structure.
Three jumps, three, three, down them.
This is a story that's obviously, it originates from France, it's French wines.
And they've discovered in England who are a little bit paranoid about mad cow disease, discovered that French wines have blood in them.
And the blood supposedly clarifies cheap wine.
So it's basically, I don't know how they discovered it, one I can't get to the bottom of is how do you discover it?
Well it's simple, the reason they knew that wine had mad cow disease is they would drink a lot of it and then start behaving really weirdly.
They'd vomit, they'd fall over.
That's basically how.
And they brought out a song about it, cheap wine and a three day growth on your brain.
So there's a storm of protest in Britain that blood is in wine and people are afraid they're going to go screaming at it.
Specifically mad cow blood.
Mad cow blood, yes.
Mad cow blood in France.
Where do the young girls come in?
Gigi is the story of one of the great French writers Colette and it's a beautiful story set in France.
Oh, ring my bell.
Love that.
Okay, team Earths, they are right, mad cow disease in the wine.
Despite the process being declared illegal after the mad cow disease scare, French wine believed to contain dried cow's blood is still on sale.
The dangers of mad cow disease in wine were first discovered when several barrels started frothing and drooling and attacking the farmers.
And professional wine tasters now have to be able to recognise the flavours, woody, earthy, fruity and scrapings from the abattoir floor.
French winemakers always complained about the legal restrictions on using dried cow blood.
How else are they supposed to turn a crappy little white into a cheeky little red?
It plays out to opening certain French regs, you really have to leave the bottle long enough to let the wine breathe.
But not so long that it clots.
My dear and dear Matt, you had to hear Dashing, the evil spirits and that...
Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.
Okay, what's the story here?
This story emanates from Cambodia, I think.
And basically, King Naradom Senuk.
SBS!
That's it, thank you.
See, that's the problem, when I say King Naradom Senuk, I get a plate of rice things with some chilli limes.
I don't know, I'm never wrong.
You are the new George Donitius.
Yeah, I bet Sandra and Jessica couldn't say that.
Oh, the challenge is out!
Give me, give me any word. Victor Chernomyrte.
What I really like is the way that unlike other newsreaders, you wink when you say the name.
Yeah, suddenly the whole Baltic crisis became sexy.
Slovenian philosophy.
It's not a hard one, but it does a lot for me. Could you say the word Minsk?
Minsk.
Okay, now...
Okay, getting back to our story. King Naradom Senuk from Cambodia.
Noddy, Noddy do his mates.
We'll call him Noddy.
Have you thought of doing a double A double 5 news line for us?
Hi, I'm naked, I'm the King of Cambodia, call me now.
King Naradom Noddy had a dream. And what was that dream, Matt?
Oh, that's right, that Madonna...
That's right.
Would be possessed by evil spirits.
Any virgin, young virginal girls who had long hair...
Who had long hair...
Would be possessed by evil spirits.
Would be drinking banana liqueur...
And not being a virgin in the morning.
It's happened.
I don't think that's a dream.
So, probably a lot.
He had a dream that virgins with long hair...
Would be possessed by evil spirits. So he announced an edict that every virgin with edict...
I think that's the word.
He said it had to happen.
Well, word got out about the dream, so a lot of the virgins had their hair cut really short.
Now I'm just thinking this is King Noddy's way of figuring out who the virgins are.
Is it so hard to believe?
You can imagine all these mothers saying, darling, I am cutting your hair.
Apparently there was also a story that came out that said the King hadn't had this dream.
It was just a rumour that had been put out by Stefanos.
By the hairdressers?
Yeah, by hairdressers had put out this rumour just to drum up more business.
And on that note, they have it right.
Cambodian virgins have been cutting all their hair off after hearing a rumour that King Norodom Sihanouk...
Dreamt of evil spirits hunting long haired young girls.
Cambodian hairdressers knew people would fall for their own because so many idiots were sucked in by their...
Tight perm, designer stubble and mullet haircut practical jokes in the 80s.
But the rumour has provided some new exports including virgin hair jumpers, virgin hair shirts and virgin hair shag pile carpets.
Or non-shag pile carpets depending on how you look at it.
Brain's gone. In news just a hand, Australian scientists have successfully crossed a lab rat with a lab coat...
To get a durable body hugging rodent that squeaks when you spill something on it and can lick itself clean.
Just don't ask where you keep your pens.
The good thing is when they come out they're sharpened.
Which is weird because you don't sharpen pens.
In this salon Julie McCross and Andrew Denton and Joanna Griggs scored a short back and sides 28 points.
Cutting down Mikey Robbins and Nira Naidoo and Matt Day on a naturally curly 27 points.
Thank you. So sad.
So long, Eddie.
If you've got another joke in there Matt I think you could have crueled them.
The three were good but if you'd just gone for the big four then...
Oh... no.
So we say farewell Tim Fisher and leave you with the good news that using farm animals for human spare parts could lead to the perfect woman for the...
No sorry I've got to strap it. Someone's running away over there.
It's the first time you've seen a camera in the studio.
You never knew this has been taken.
First time I see a live one moving.
Oh my god there's an emergency scene on breakers they must shoot now.
That reminds me of...
Don't be on set.
So we say farewell Tim Fisher and leave you with the good news that using farm animals for human spare parts could lead to the perfect woman for the New Zealand male.
She's a mother in the kitchen, a whore in the bedroom and a sheep in the back paddock.
Goodnight.
8.30 tomorrow 90 minutes of raw humiliation. Nothing will prepare you for the final explosive verdict. An unmissable NYPD glow 8.30 tomorrow on 10.
Next year Sunday Night Movie, bulletproof.