The Simpsons is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT.
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They're fat.
They're short.
Boom!
Duck!
Girls, we're guys who are dangerous.
Play the guitar!
Stick with me.
I know these things.
For everybody on the outside looking in,
Your underwear is almost as big as the flag.
Your moment has arrived.
Go part, Angus.
From the producer of Cool Runnings...
Get it, get it, get it, get it!
Comes Angus rated PG-13.
Now playing.
Patty, I got the wrong cheese.
Real Italian meals don't begin...
What were you thinking?
...without the Parmesan cheese that's always 100% Parmesan.
No fillers.
Craft 100% grated Parmesan cheese.
Now, you can eat.
Come on, ref!
Twix gives you chewy caramel, milk chocolate, and that great cookie crunch, twice.
Nice call, ref.
So take time out for Twix.
TV Guide says two-something is like the odd couple meets reality bites.
Shake my head real quick.
I don't need to feel your head, man.
I know what you have.
It's a tumor, but they can remove it.
They removed mine.
Shinkren Ward are smart and silly.
I demand to know why you're here.
Because we love you.
Two-something, from your Sunday, October 1st, after the Simpsons.
There's no rules.
Whatever you can find to scrounge up, race it.
You can put things in the wheels, you can have water balloons.
So unsportsmanlike conduct is encouraged, I think.
Encouraged and well-appreciated amongst all the other racers.
Hold tight!
Hold on!
Oh, it's a crash!
I'd have to say I'd consider soap box racing most like Twister.
You just got to bend yourself all around.
That's like a safety routine right there.
That's like a safety check.
If you get dumped at 40 miles per hour, they'll keep the skin on your legs.
I had to abandon ship.
Well look who's here.
Hershel Walker and Tony Dorsett, two of the best college football running backs I ever
saw.
I'll bet you they're swapping some pretty good football stories.
Next time, I'm telling you, Tony, right profile.
Really, Hers?
I've always favored my left, man.
Collect a Burger King Legends of College Football Cup.
Free when you upside your Whopper value meal for just $0.39.
Touchdown!
You think next time we should wear the helmets?
In my case, the helmet is definitely off.
The next generation will face dangers we've never dreamed of.
I am here to turn you slimy civilian cesspool parasites into United States Marine Corps
space aviators.
And their legend will be written in the stars.
Let's go.
Space above and beyond from the producers of the X-Files next Sunday on Fox.
Good evening, I'm Amelia Santonello.
Tonight on the news at 10, the first significant rainfall in months leaving thousands in the
dark.
A warranty for students at Briarwood College and hundreds step out for a cure for diabetes.
Join me and John tonight at 10.
Just when you thought summer's nearly over, the deals are getting even hotter during the
Hyundai summer drive.
The road in tracks says the new Accent may be the most significant new car to reach these
shores in 1995.
And while Accent has equipment found on more expensive cars, you can get it right now for
only $79.84.
Plus choose between no money down or no monthly payments for 90 days.
So if you miss this, that wouldn't be very cool.
Get a hot new high-tech Accent for only $79.84 during the Hyundai summer drive.
So the Nittany Lions and the Fighting Irish have given us another great college football
game.
And here are two tired generals looking for each other at midfield.
What's up, Frank, Joe?
Yeah, I know.
The tie's too much.
It's nice, but maybe next time, something in a crew neck.
How'd you think that'd be too casual?
Collect a Burger King Legends of College Football Cup, free when you upsize your Whopper Value
Meal for just 39 cents.
Look, Joe, it's not the end of the world.
Next cup, think pastels.
You know, I think everyone should have one of these.
What's the most popular cellular phone in the world, the Motorola Flip phone?
These days, you need one of these.
Sign up for Bell Atlantic Mobile Service at Bernie's and you'll get one of these free.
Come in.
We'll give you all the details.
You know, a lot of places sell phones, but Bernie's is quick, I mean fast, real fast.
You get a phone at Bernie's when you leave, it's working.
Bernie's is one of the biggest Bell Atlantic service dealers in the area.
We do thousands, so come in, sign up for Bell Atlantic Mobile Service and get your Motorola
Flip phone free.
Hey, even when it's free, it's always a better buy at Bernie's.
Welcome back to Hollywood for this McDonald's Game Break.
I'm James Brown with the Foxtrot Around the League.
Their shows in New York Giants are off to their worst start since 87, losing their third
straight.
Philadelphia got a solid performance from Randall Cunningham, but unfortunately, San
Diego's special teams were better.
Washington lost to Heartbreakers.
John Elway performed his patented mile-high magic with a game-winning drive.
San Francisco manhandled New England, and the Jets finally get in the win column of
ending the Jaguars.
Have you
had your break today?
Don't miss the startling season premiere of The X-Files, Friday at 9, 8 Central.
We're
and my doctor said I just needed a stronger antacid tablet.
New Mylanta tablets are strong medicine,
made stronger than Tums,
stronger than any other antacid tablet,
and now made with calcium.
Unbelievable.
Mylanta tablets, made stronger, made with calcium.
My doctor said Mylanta.
Not since Jurassic Park has the world witnessed an event so terrifying.
Tonight, Al Bundy's mother-in-law is moving in.
She's distraught.
She is humongous.
Don't miss the biggest premiere of the season.
Are she born?
Married with children tonight at 9, 8 Central on the new Fox Sunday night.
If you're thinking of changing the channel after The Simpsons, forget it.
Stay tuned for a special presentation of the show critics are calling Sophisticated and Funny.
It's the season's best new sitcom.
You don't meet women like that every day.
I met one once, but she just wasn't very pretty.
Partners, coming up next on Fox right after The Simpsons.
And catch a brand new episode tomorrow at its regular time, 9, 8 Central.
The Taylors are hyper over a viper.
There's a snake behind.
Why don't you just open my shirt and let him crawl right in, huh?
Home Improvement, Monday at 7 on Fox 61.