When I play basketball, I always wanted the ball, and I got it where it should go.
And I always drink Gatorade, because nothing's better.
Now I'm playing baseball, I still drink Gatorade, I still want the ball, and I still know where it should go.
And sooner or later, I'm going to get it there, I hope.
It's gotta be Gatorade.
At Red Lobster for September, it's our 20 Shrimp and More dinners.
Enjoy 20 shrimp with luscious lobster, 20 shrimp with steak, 20 shrimp with crab legs, all specially priced.
But only during September, only at Red Lobster.
Thursday, Martin flips out.
When Gina moves in and redecorates.
It gives the room a warmer feel.
Can you just turn up the damn heat?
Martin, then, when Khadijah takes on a high school rival.
I'm gonna win.
Somebody's gonna get slammed down.
I'm gonna lose.
Living single.
And they grew up on the mean streets of New York.
You're cops.
Now they're coming to take them back.
Bad ass.
The series premiere of New York Undercover.
It all happens Thursday, starting at 8, 7 Central.
After eight years of misery.
Oh, God, I hate my job.
Al discovers the key to success in the 90s.
We're rich.
Is to bring back the 70s.
You know what I was doing the last time I was wearing shoes like these?
Inspiring Helen Reddy to write her new song, I Am Poultry.
It's Al like you've never seen him before.
The far out season premiere of Married with Children tonight.
I was driving and then I forgot what I was.
I think I left my body.
But then I came back.
I got hungry.
I brought back a vision.
The number seven.
The seven layer burrito.
Now, a Taco Bell.
Rice, beans, sour cream, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and guacamole.
Only 99 cents for a limited time.
I could almost taste it.
And then I did.
And I came back full.
Today, a Pavlovian experiment.
Using superior intellect and vast scientific knowledge,
we spent six months conditioning the poor, unsuspecting subject
to respond to a ringing bell with an uncontrollable craving for the ultimate beverage.
A demonstration.
If you think cameras are getting a bit too complex,
Nobody Beats the Wiz wants you to know that taking a picture is as easy as M-I-N-O-L-T-A.
Try the Minolta Maxim 400 S-I.
A fully automatic, computerized camera with a built-in flash that does all the thinking for you.
It's just one of the family of easy-to-use Minolta cameras priced right at Nobody Beats the Wiz.
Minolta cameras at Nobody Beats the Wiz.
We make picture taking easy.
I can't swim.
The fall will probably kill you.
Catch the feeling of an unforgettable classic.
Or watch The Simpsons.
Weekdays at 6 starting September 19th on Fox 61.
Come to the Olive Garden for our Italian fall feast.
Start with our luscious new Bruschetta appetizer.
Then, get our garden fresh salad and warm garlic breadsticks.
And then choose one of five delicious Italian entrees,
like our new Cannelloni al Forno,
with its savory filling of veal, chicken and beef.
A complete Italian meal for only $8.95.
During the Italian fall feast.
Only at the Olive Garden Italian restaurant.
The wonder and excitement of the theater is coming to your home.
It's showtime!
Muppet Classic Theater.
Featuring your favorite fairy tales.
Help! Help!
And now!
Toll with that special Muppet grace and sophistication.
Good grief.
And now, it's $2 off with an instant in-store coupon.
Hooray!
Muppet Classic Theater.
Exclusively on video.
Oh, mercy.
Buy it today.
I believe I will.
I never thought I'd say this.
I love my hair.
Spiral waves.
Gazillions.
Forget frizzies.
It's new Ogilvy Spiral Waves.
The only home perm made only for spiral curls.
It conditions.
It has automatic timing.
It shuts itself off.
This stuff has brains.
New Ogilvy Spiral Waves perm.
Don't you just love it when you get exactly what you want?
Lysol spray use number 111.
That slimy stuff in the recycling bin.
Lysol disinfectant spray.
There's nothing this can can't do.
Avalanche.
World premiere.
Tuesday on Fox.
These days, anyone can design and build a car
with the quality and features you want.
And the safety you need.
That's easy.
We designed and built the all-new 1995 Lumina
so most people can afford it.
And that's what makes the new Lumina a genuine Chevrolet.
Your Connecticut Chevy Geodealer
invites you to test drive the all-new Lumina today.
When temptation rolls in and stares you in the face,
nothing saves you like the mouth-watering aroma
and satisfying taste of juicy fruit.
Only 10 sweet calories.
And sweet juicy choice.
Let's go.
Looking good.
Basically, your car's a great idea.
Yeah, especially when it's my new Grand Am.
Well, he couldn't take my car.
Doesn't have analog brakes or an airbag.
Or 150 horsepower.
Your car couldn't keep up with me.
Man, this engine is really smooth.
What?
I said you're really starting to move.
Hey, where are you?
These Del Monte gel snacks don't need to be refrigerated
so in the lunch box or wherever they still stay wobbly.
Wobbly, wobbly.
Del Monte gel snacks, delicious wobbly fun.
Wobbly, wobbly.
A scientific experiment turns Bud into a mutant.
Where are you going?
To cop a feel and kill myself.
Married with children.
Part of Fox's Halloween bash tonight.
Lots of things are complicated like tax forms,
payment plans, and even buying groceries
because nothing's ever in the right place at the right time.
Then I saw a new 95 Ford Taurus SE with 2.9% financing.
Dual airbags, rear spoiler, cast aluminum wheels, air,
and I thought, finally, something easy to understand.
One great car.
So stop, smell the roses, smell the coffee, wake up.
Like my dad used to say, it's little things in life.
So when I found a Taurus with 2.9% on November 2nd,
I called my dad and said, Dad, I found something little.
2.9.
I was in the right place at the right time.
And this year, I'll do my own taxes.
But first, I better find my New England Ford dealer.
2.9 today.
Hi, I'm Steve Berthiaume.
Join us tonight for Sports Ticket.
We'll have NHL Director of Operations Brian Burke
live with us in the studio.
Rich Capola, Steve Berthiaume, Brian Burke.
Sports Ticket tonight at 10.30.
What's the most important thing you put on?
Is it red?
No.
Is it green?
I'll bet it's green.
Uh-uh.
It's clear.
Introducing Soft and Dry Clear Gel Antiperspirant.
Odor and wetness protection with no white, no messy,
no chalky residue.
Clear enough?
Hey, wait a minute.
So the most important thing you put on?
Leaves no messy white stuff behind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
New Soft and Dry Clear Gel.
We had this great idea for a new game called Sonic and Knuckles.
It's got Knuckles plus lock-on technology.
So you can play Knuckles in Sonic 2 and 3.
He just laughed at us.
So we sold it to Sega.
Who's laughing now?
Fat Man!
Have you tried multigrain Cheerios?
I wouldn't like it, and I'll tell you why.
First, we like chewing gravel.
This is good.
Probably tastes like cardboard.
Crispy.
It's too bulky.
Delicious.
Once you try it, you can't deny it.
I like it. I'll tell you why.
First.
Still dialing zero to call people collect?
Stop. It's expensive.
What to do?
Dial 1-800-COLLECT.
Here's how it works.
Just dial 1-800-C-O-L-L-E-C-T and follow the simple instructions.
Thank you for calling 1-800-COLLECT.
Enter the number you wish to call.
Area code first.
Say your name.
Chris.
Please hold while we place your call.
1-800-COLLECT.
It's easy when you know how.
Hi, honey.
Wilbur, I'm home!
The Flintstones are coming.
On videocassette, it's rock-solid fun for the entire family.
The Flintstones, coming on videocassette November 8th.
Wednesday.
Dylan's made mistakes before, but this one could cost him his friends.
I don't think you're worth the bottle you're trying to crawl out of, pal.
His future.
I'm fine.
People who get high and play with guns are not fine.
And maybe even his life.
Who?
90210.
The stars of Party of Five host a brand-new episode on a special night.
I really want to make love with you.
Party of Five.
It's all part of Fox's all-new November Wednesday.
Hello, AT&T.
This is a member of True Rewards.
My husband and I love your females in minutes.
But how about something for the kids?
A vacation at Disney World, perhaps.
Stuff from the Disney store is lovely.
Now, only members of AT&T True Rewards can get a world of special offers from Disney.
Just spend $25 a month on AT&T Long Distance.
Anything at Disney is fine.
Not for me, for the children.
Your true voice.
Boom!
Shaquille O'Neill a.k.a.
Shaq!
Shaquille O'Bounty Hunter.
Enforcer of justice.
Right hand!
Registered lethal weapons!
Right foot size 22!
Registered lethal weapons!
This is your target.
Introducing Shaq-Fu, Kung Fu Shaq style.
For Sega Genesis and Super NES.
Welcome back to the Fox Halloween Bash.
It's great to finally be able to sit down.
Yeah, no more monsters.
Maybe we get to do a little night fishing.
Oh wait, this is where we get to pet something.
Did something smell fishy?
There's something moving out there.
I say we turn around and go back.
I don't get paid for this.
I think the fish is gone.
Don't they know in the movies you never go in...
He's angry this time.
Stay tuned for more later from Universal Studios Florida.
The Simpsons will return in a moment.
The Fox Halloween Bash is made possible by Universal Studios Florida.
Transportation courtesy of U.S. Air, the official airline of Universal Studios Florida.
In the mood for style?
Consider the Mazda 626. It's beautifully equipped for comfort and security and reliability.
If you're in the mood for a car this exceptional, make it the Mazda 626.
Built in the USA.
Go see your Mazda dealer for a limited time lease offer.
We make the exceptional affordable.
Lease the Mazda 626 for just $1.99 a month now.
For Scott Calvin, becoming Santa Claus
wasn't something he wanted.
I killed him.
Did not.
Something should happen to me. Put on my suit, the reindeer will know what to do.
Or was even very good at.
Santa?
But it's a job he'll have a year to grow into.
What happened?
Beasting.
Tim Allen.
Name?
Chris Green.
The Santa Claus.
Name?
Papa Gisho.
Ready PG.
Starts Friday, November 11th.
Hi, Trish.
Todd's working here.
Don't remind me.
Can he make it all shift without Duracell batteries?
I made these special just for you.
Guess not.
The copper top tops them all.
A deadly avalanche leaves four people trapped.
Now the real terror is just beginning.
Get help.
David Hasselhoff, Michael Gross.
Get your hands off my daughter.
Avalanche, world premiere Tuesday at 8, 7 Central.
Parental discretion advised.
Monday.
I am so happy.
One of these couples will be tying the knot.
Rotten Hill, both of you.
But which one?
They can help you forget any broken heart you might have had.
The answer will surprise you.
I know we just met.
A brand new Melrose Place.
Then, you're gonna be seduced about 45 times.
Kelsey Grammer hosts the most outrageous commercials of the year.
The Clio Awards after Melrose Place.
Monday starting at 8, 7 Central.
Bart joins the living dead as the Simpsons caravan continues next.
This is the story of Earthworm Jim video game.
In outer space, a sweet evil cyborg
lost a queen cyberspace suit.
Well, it smooshes.
Why didn't I sling Earthworm Jim?
He becomes a super-powered hero.
He takes out that precious doll.
Then that stupid worm goes onto the planet.
He even tries mucus punchy-jumping.
And if that doesn't stop him, maybe the battle with Queen
festering sweaty slug for a bud will.
Earthworm Jim replicates.
First thing you gotta remember about Disney World is to pace yourself.
If you try to do it all at once, you'll be sleeping like a baby by lunchtime.
Number two, don't eat right before you go on Mr. Toad's wild ride.
Number three, Goofy is huge.
I know he's only this big on TV, but in real life, Goofy could beat up Dad.
I guess that's it.
Call 1-407-W-Disney and make the dream come true.
You're gonna love this place, Larry.
It really brings out the kid in you.
When the going gets tough, Kelly quits.
The tough take off.
I'm your new secretary.
Coach.
Monday at 630 on Fox 61.
You might be confused by all the different types of pain relievers and all their claims,
but your doctor isn't.
They call one type NSAIDs, like aspirin, ibuprofen, and the latest pain reliever
called Aleve with naproxen sodium.
The pain reliever in Tylenol is different from all these,
especially when it comes to your stomach.
To varying degrees, every NSAID breathes.
The pain reliever in Tylenol is different from all these,
especially when it comes to your stomach.
To varying degrees, every NSAID breath can sometimes cause a side effect of stomach irritation.
Tylenol won't.
The choice is clear.
Tylenol, the pain reliever hospitals use most.
Shaquille O'Neal, a.k.a. Shaq.
Shaquille O'Bounty Hunter.
Enforcer of justice.
Left hand.
Right hand.
Register.
Lethal weapons.
Right foot.
Left foot.
Size 22.
This is technical weapons.
This is your target.
Introducing Shaq Fu.
Kung Fu Shaq style.
For Sega Genesis and Super NES.
He looks like Martin.
He says he knows you.
He acts like Martin.
Oh yeah.
He knows you.
Is this the son Martin never knew he had?
Your mother is Angie Johnson?
Find out.
What's up, what's up, what's up?
All day.
On Martin, part of Fox's All New November, Thursday at 8, 7 Central.
The cops are trying to frame him.
There's a murder warrant out for the Mantis.
And a super criminal is out to exterminate him.
Give me the firepower I need to bring this vigilante to justice.
Will this evil army finally destroy Mantis?
Get serious.
Mantis, part of Fox's All New November, Friday.
Imagine owning something so unusual it'll give you chills.
Imagine a world where Halloween lasts forever.
It's a video so unique you'll see something new every time you watch it.
Imagine owning something totally different for Halloween.
Imagine what your friends will think.
Own Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.
And now get $4 back from Duracell.
See stores for details.
He just can't wait.
He craves that big, bold cranberry taste.
That one-of-a-kind ocean spray taste.
Cranberry!
We had this great idea for a new game called Sonic & Knuckles.
It's got Knuckles plus lock-on technology.
So you can play Knuckles in Sonic 2 and 3.
He just laughed at us.
So we sold it to Sega.
Who's laughing now?
Fat Man!
Hello?
AT&T?
This is a member of True Rewards.
My husband and I love your Females in Minutes.
But how about something for the kids?
A vacation at Disney World, perhaps.
Stuff from the Disney store is lovely.
Now only members of AT&T True Rewards can get a world of special offers from Disney.
Just spend $25 a month on AT&T Long Distance.
Anything at Disney is fine.
Not for me, for the children.
Your true voice.
Baylor Salinger is hopelessly in love.
The only reason we're together is to have sex.
No, it's not the only reason, but it's important.
His brother Charlie is just hopeless.
If I cheated on you, it wasn't because things were bad between us,
because they were so great.
This is an apology.
Get to know them on Party of Five on a special night, Wednesday after 9 or 210.
What is this?
This is totally cool.
Whoa, man, you gotta check this out.
Look at this thing.
It's like an eclipse or something going on here.
Wouldn't it be cool if, like, right now, there was this total eclipse?
Oh, it's TV.
Ah, there it is.
Check that out.
Introducing the all-news, 1995 Eclipse from Mitsubishi.
The new thinking in automobiles.
Hey, you all right, man?
Back here in Hollywood with the McDonald's game break,
I'm James Brown with an NFL scoreboard summary.
The Detroit Lions, helped by Barry Sanders, 146 yards
and a controversial play in overtime,
sent the Giants to their fifth straight defeat.
Five turnovers by Kansas City, including three by Joe Montana,
hurt the Chiefs, who were spanked by the Bills.
John Elway's 322 yards and two touchdowns
boosted Denver to its second straight victory,
and Harvey Williams' second consecutive 100-yard game
gave the Raiders a victory.
Ah, nothing like a little pregame tailgating, huh, pigskin pal?
Couple of fans, couple of Egg McMuffins.
Two Egg McMuffins for two bucks, huh, Mr. Farm Fresh Egg Boy?
Mr. Two-Buck Conversion.
Go for two, guys.
Go for two with McDonald's Two-Buck Conversion.
Convert two dollars into two hot fresh Egg McMuffins
or two towering, tempting Big Macs.
But the clock's ticking on this deal, so hurry.
What you want is what you get.
Well, you said we'd get a couple of Big Macs later on.
That's a good call, Mr. Two-All-B Fatty Boy.
And McDonald's today.
We got enough time before we kick off?
Oh, sure.
Kelsey Grammer presents the world's greatest commercials
on the Clio Awards Monday.
Los Angeles, 2007.
The mystical powers of the dragon
are dangerous for one person to possess.
Power.
All right, so where's the on button?
Justice.
It was our responsibility to protect the dragon.
Darkness.
This is only half.
Why are we in the other half?
Light.
Let's kick some butt.
Double.
Dragon.
Double Dragon.
Rated PG-13.
Starts Friday at theaters everywhere.
If you want to move ahead in any career,
you have to know what most employers want.
Like how to work with a team,
how to handle responsibility,
how to take on a tough job and see it through.
You can learn all these things in the Army,
so when you do set off on the road to success,
you'll already be in the driver's seat.
When you're the eyes and ears of a million people,
you can't let your stomach give them away.
So I carry Snickers.
Roasted peanuts, milk chocolate, caramel.
Snickers Satisfies.
Under wraps?
I was just coming down with something.
Chest cold?
No.
Marry the children.
Where are you going?
To cop a feel and kill myself.
Part of Butz's Halloween Bash, next.