Bogo. Buy one, get one half off. Go ahead. Look again. Pay less.
Is it crunchy? No. Is it juicy? Uh-uh. What is it? It's both. It's a classic pickle.
Taste the Juicy Crunch. Classic. Juicy and crunchy? I like that.
It'll pass. You'll get sucked up and spit out just like every other time.
But this one seems different. Introducing the new Hoover Wind Tunnel 2.
Its unique and enhanced design features two patented air tunnels that trap dirt and channel it away so it ends up inside the vacuum.
Not spit back onto the floor. It's proven to clean carpet better than any other leading brand.
The Wind Tunnel 2. From Hoover.
Pop darts can't stand up to the delicious taste. Both toast or strudel.
Fill three toast or strudel. The one gets one to eat.
I'm just going to come out with it. Will you marry me?
Island Fruits Pinot Grigio? I didn't know Arbor Mist had that. Have you tried their Sangria Zinfandel?
Arbor Mist. Ten delicious flavors. Can't resist the mist.
Ask your doctor about Ambien CR, the latest Ambien. Then call for your seven-day free trial offer.
Ambien CR is a controlled release formula and it's the only sleep aid with two layers.
One dissolves quickly to help you fall asleep fast. The other dissolves slowly to help you stay asleep so you can wake up and get ready for your day.
Ambien CR is a treatment option you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes and can be taken for as long as your doctor recommends.
Until you know how Ambien CR will affect you, you shouldn't drive or operate machinery.
Be sure you're able to devote seven to eight hours to sleep before being active again.
Side effects may include next day drowsiness, dizziness, and headache. It's not narcotic.
However, like most sleep medicines, it has some risk of dependency. Don't take it with alcohol.
Call today for your seven-day free trial offer of the latest Ambien. Ambien CR.
And don't forget to mention the CR, a good night's sleep from start to finish.
I've been a reporter a long time and I know top-notch correspondents are vital. Great reporters make a great newscast and CBS News has one.
The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, L.A.'s best defense attorney, just set the wrong guy free.
It makes perfect sense for you to punish yourself.
The white teen Oprah speaks.
Now, he's joining the prosecution.
You think you can just cleanse your conscience by putting away a few villains?
But his toughest judge is his daughter.
I'm not cheap and I'm not easy.
It's not what Mom says.
Shark, Thursdays this fall after CSI.
CSI.
I was thinking.
I only got half as much time with Dad as Jack and them.
Not even.
Billy, Granddad was a lot older when he had you.
Yeah, but still.
You know, it's crazy.
A part of me always thought that he would live forever.
Yeah, me too, I guess.
It's pretty dumb, huh?
I'm off doing my thing instead of spending the time that I did have with my dad.
Wait, but if you knew that, then why did you stay away for so long?
It just kind of happened.
I'll get ice.
Mrs. Abbott?
Reverend Bach, how nice to see you again.
This is my family, my son Michael, his wife Lauren, and of course you know Kevin.
He was at our wedding.
Where are the rest of the family?
Did someone call and say that they were running late?
There must be some terrible mistake.
Mistake? What do you mean?
Well, the service ended a short while ago.
I was just on my way out.
I have a christening to perform up at Lake Geneva.
I'm so sorry when you weren't here earlier.
We assumed you weren't coming.
To our own husband's funeral?
I'm sorry, if I could stay...
We understand.
Believe me, it's...
We understand.
I'm sorry.
Thank you, Reverend. Please, I'll let us keep you.
Thank you.
Who told you what time to be here?
Jack, how was the service?
You know, it was lovely.
It was really helpful to talk and to listen.
How are you and Billy doing?
We're okay.
Before we set up all the food, we went into Granddad's study.
We said a prayer.
He looked through all his old photo albums.
That was always one of his favorite rooms.
Oh, sweetie.
It's just so weird.
Dad actually being gone.
I keep expecting him to show up and ask us why we didn't get any pastrami.
He loved that stuff, didn't he?
Knew it was bad for him.
Loaded with salt.
We'd make those little microscopic sandwiches
and whenever I'd remember him, he'd say,
you only live once, Jackie.
Yeah, I remember.
Kind of.
Hey, I know you're on your own now.
And you've got Joe.
You've also got me.
Don't ever forget that.
Thanks, Jack.
No, I mean it.
I know.
Big Brother's boss now.
Don't need to cross you.
Wow.
Nice spread.
Yeah, isn't it, though?
We can thank Little Brother for this.
It was mostly Colleen.
So where's Gloria?
How'd it go?
Actually, she never showed.
Didn't she miss Dad's funeral?
I don't know.
How come?
I don't know.
Who knows why that woman does the things she does.
I knew I couldn't trust him.
Gloria, you always have a place in our family.
What a liar.
This is low, even for Jack.
You really believe that he meant for you to miss this funeral?
Of course he did.
But then why didn't Ashley or someone insist that they went for it?
I'll tell you why, Lauren.
Because they didn't want me or my family
dirtying up their pristine little service.
A creep.
For Jack to rob you of this.
Oh, no.
He didn't.
He can't.
Nobody's taking this moment away from me.
For those who love cashews, there's new planters, cashew lovers mix.
50% cashews, 100% love.
Stubborn warts?
Why wait for a doctor when you can do the same treatment at home?
Introducing Dr. Scholl's Dual Action Freeze-Away.
It's twice as effective as freezing alone.
It combines freeze technology and a maximum strength liquid.
To remove large warts, see the doctor.
Dr. Scholl's.
Where does depression hurt?
Everywhere.
Who does depression hurt?
Everyone.
Did you know that depression hurts emotionally and physically?
Not everyone looks at depression that way.
Cymbalta is a prescription medication for depression
that treats both its emotional and painful physical symptoms.
Cymbalta works on serotonin and norepinephrine.
People taking MAOIs or thyroidazine or who have uncontrolled glaucoma
should not take Cymbalta.
Tell your doctor if your depression worsens or you have thoughts of suicide.
Antidepressants can increase these thoughts or behaviors in children under 18.
Talk to your doctor if you have liver disease and about your alcohol consumption.
Side effects may include nausea, dry mouth, and constipation.
Ask your doctor about Cymbalta.
Depression hurts, but you don't have to.
I'm starting.
It's no secret that healthy digestion starts with eating right.
That's why more people are starting their day with new Plum Smart from SunSweet.
My wife's getting Easter.
Plum Smart has fiber and nutrients you need every day
to help keep your digestive system healthy and in balance.
And I'm starting right now.
Start smart with Plum Smart, new from SunSweet.
Introducing new vanilla mint Listerine, a less intense Listerine.
Every bit is powerful at fighting germs that cause plaque, gingivitis, and bad breath.
Plus, it has a less intense vanilla mint taste.
Now there's a Listerine for everybody.
Purell users see the world differently.
They don't see germy bathrooms.
They just carry Purell.
It kills 99.99% of germs.
So look around.
The world is cleaner than you think.
Purell, imagine a touchable world.
Mom and dad discussed hectic days.
Alex discovered a new way to accessorize.
And Quinn laughed till milk came dangerously close to coming out of her nose.
Talk about having a lot on your plate.
Introducing organics at the Walmart price.
What will you bring to the table?
What happens when civilization is stripped away
Status depends on catching fish, making fire, and living with people you never expected.
20 people divided into four ethnic groups.
A social experiment like we've never done before.
We all feel the pressure to represent.
Survivors this evening here, Thursday, September 14.
I worked so hard on this speech, John, because I wanted today to be perfect.
But I just don't think any speech can really do justice to the man who is my husband.
Thought about a lot of words, devoted and loyal and honest and loving and compassionate.
But even saying them out loud right now, I don't really describe John.
I'm sure he was all those things, but he was so much more.
I wasn't a very good wife.
I wanted to be, but I'm just not an easy woman to deal with.
John would tell me that sometimes.
But in spite of my flaws, and there are a few, he loved me.
He loved me for exactly who I am.
And he's the only man who ever made me feel worthy of being loved.
And that it was safe, it was really safe to love him right back.
Sometimes when he would just take my hands in his, I just feel so secure and so, I don't know, peaceful.
It took a long time, John, but I finally got it.
I got it.
Being with you, I finally knew what it was like to live and to be in love.
And with you it was always like being home.
Music
I love her now and I will love her always, just as she is.
Thank you, John, for everything you gave me.
I'm going to always love you.
I can't get over how many people we've heard from, all these cards and flowers and phone calls.
And donations and Daddy's mom.
Wow.
Yeah, Dad was loved by a lot of people in this town.
It wasn't too big on people going nuts over him, though.
That's for sure.
It's not who you are.
It's what you do that counts.
Granddad always used to say that.
Do you know what he would appreciate more than anything else?
All of us are here together in this room.
So let's make a pact.
No matter how busy any of us gets, no matter where life takes us,
we will all do our best to be in the same room together at least once a year.
Come here.
I second that.
Motion carried.
Meeting adjourned.
Cece and I told Abby that we were going to stop by.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to stay here with Tracy and Jack.
I'll be there in a little bit, okay?
Okay.
Okay, we'll see you later.
Okay, sweetie, bye.
I love you.
How was the service?
Nice and cozy.
Okay, what is your problem?
Stick around.
Find out.
Well, Jack, you got your wish.
What are you talking about?
You gave me the wrong time for the service so we'd be sure and miss it.
Where do you get this?
Come on, Jack, we're not stupid.
If there was a misunderstanding, Gloria, I'm sorry.
Obviously, you heard the...
I don't believe that for one second.
Excuse me?
You didn't want me there.
Or my family.
And I bet everyone in this room knew exactly what he was doing.
Hey, Mom.
All work and no play?
Oh, and too much takeout.
I do it regular.
Loaded.
Here, try Dan and Activia.
Activia.
Delicious Dan and Activia.
With the natural culture of bifidus regularis, it's clinically proven to help regulate your digestive system in two weeks.
Delicious.
Soon you'll be back to your regular self.
Regular.
Dan and Activia, help naturally regulate your digestive system.
Ask me.
If I don't bring it up, you bring it up.
Let's not wait until you've lost any more bone.
Let's not wait until you break a bone.
You're a busy woman.
Osteoporosis is serious business because it can get worse.
But bone loss can be reversed.
Fosamax Plus D treats postmenopausal osteoporosis.
It actually helps reverse bone loss.
It helps prevent hip and spine fractures.
Plus, it's got vitamin D.
You shouldn't use Fosamax Plus D if you have certain disorders of the esophagus.
You have to be able to stand or sit upright for 30 minutes.
If you have severe kidney disease or low blood calcium, you shouldn't take Fosamax Plus D.
It's not for vitamin D deficiency.
Tell me about your stomach and digestive problems and your medications, vitamins and supplements, too.
Stop taking Fosamax Plus D and call me right away if you get heartburn or it gets worse
or swallowing becomes difficult or painful or if you have chest pain.
These could be signs of serious upper digestive problems.
So call me.
Make an appointment.
Give me a call.
We'll talk about it.
Ask me.
Ask me about Fosamax Plus D.
Bone loss can be reversed.
Ask me.
We've got to help him.
Look.
There he is.
We saw your SOS.
S-U-S, stirring up singles.
Kool-Aid singles.
You make it yourself.
Grab a glass.
Kool-Aid singles.
They're fast in a glass or a bottle.
Oh, yeah.
With me, it's about trust.
Stanley Steamer is a national company with trained technicians.
I know they're going to clean my carpet the right way.
Coal 1-800-Steamer.
Stanley Steamer gets carpet cleaner.
The savings are simple at Coal's half-price sale because Friday and Saturday only, you
can take 50% off hundreds of items store-wide for you, your family, and your home.
This Friday and Saturday only, 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. at Coal's half-price sale.
Coals expect great things.
I got Buster when the kids moved out.
It's incredible.
He brings so much energy and joy to my life.
I feel like a teenager again.
I want to keep him as healthy as possible.
A love this strong deserves high-quality nutrition.
Iams' large breed has more protein than the leading competitor and no fillers.
Iams has everything dogs need and nothing they don't.
For the healthiest he can be for life, a love like this deserves Iams.
Yeast infection itch.
It can take days to cure the infection, but just minutes to relieve the itch.
With Vagisil medicated wipes, maximum-strength medicine gets fast itch relief.
Anytime, anywhere.
Vagisil medicated wipes.
At least you're not denying it, which is a hell of a lot more honest than you were last night
when you stood right there and said, oh yeah, Gloria, I accept you into the family
and you put your arms around me and gave me a big old hug.
You have treated me like a disease from day one.
I should have known right then you were up to something.
You know what, Gloria, I don't really give a damn what I did.
What you did was hateful, Jack.
It was hateful and mean. No other words for it, Jack.
I can't believe you would do something so disgraceful.
Oh, it was vintage, Jack Abbott.
Take an unbelievably painful situation and make it that much worse.
Listen, Baldy.
No, you listen.
Your days of treating me like dirt are over.
My family and I have as much right to be respected in this home as you do.
I'm going to treat you with respect.
Don't hold your breath.
Please, please, can we not do this?
This is not the time or place.
Don't talk to me. I didn't start this.
Please.
You purposely deny Gloria the opportunity to say goodbye to John.
If that's not starting it, what is?
No, no, no, no, Michael.
Wait. Remember what I said in the chapel?
Jack hasn't taken a thing away from me.
And if you think you are hurting me, you didn't succeed
because it goes way beyond that.
Is that a threat, Gloria?
Calm down, both of you.
No, I will handle this, Ash.
Oh, the way you handled your father's funeral?
Yeah, I thought that today of all days we could have put aside our differences
and you would have behaved with a little class.
Oh, I'm going to get a lesson in class from a back alley grifter.
I would think twice about talking to her like that.
Kevin, no.
No, Kevin, you let him go ahead and insult me.
It just proves my point that Jack Abbott is a selfish snob.
You want to know what selfish is?
Selfish is seeing my father's express wishes on paper and ignoring it for days.
Selfish is hearing my sister and me beg for a small, simple service
and turning it into a sideshow, and I am sick of it.
And I am sick of being treated like a second-class citizen
and your father would be ashamed of me.
Don't you ever tell me how my father would feel again.
I knew him my whole life. You knew him for what, two years?
Yeah, and he told me day after day that I made his life worth living,
that I made him smile, and that I made him feel young again.
Maybe for a few months, until all of your lies started surfacing,
until your slimy ex-husband showed up in town and threatened my father so much
he felt he had to shoot him and ended up behind bars under so much stress.
He had another stroke before we could bring him home.
No, thanks to his loving wife. We had a funeral today.
Stop it.
That's enough. We have put up with you for a long time, Gloria.
We did so out of obligation. Those days are over, sweetheart.
Dad is dead. You are no longer his wife.
You are no longer any part of this family.
Next, on The Young and the Restless.
Do you really think it's appropriate to bring your pregnant lover here to the house?
I didn't know Noah was going to be here.
Don't underestimate Tro. She can get pretty crazy.
It really doesn't matter whether the two of you were legally married.
He still left you half as a state.
Dr. Collins? I haven't seen you since graduation.
Poore, are you in position?
It's me I'm safe. Don't you remember me?
You must have me confused with someone else.
Poore set.
Let's do it.
I got it. Are you okay?
It's not just a new pair of New Balance athletic shoes.