D-OHH!
( screams 9
[Captioning sponsored by TWENTIETX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASíG COMPAíY]
( xawkinw )
MILHóUSE, DO YOU UVER THINK
ABóUT THE PEOPéE YN THOSE CARS?
Y TRY NOT TO.
IT MAKES IT HARDER TO SPIT ON THE].
Y WONDER ABOUT PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN>
DO YOU THINK ANYTXING IíTERESTING
UVER HAPPEíS Tó THEM?
THERE MUST BE
THOUSAíDS OF GREAT STóRIES OUT THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THIN[, MYLHOUSU?
MIéHOUSE?
HUH?
OH, SORRY, I SAW A COíVERTKBLE.
YOU WERE SAYYNG?
FORGET IT.
COME ON, IT'S 11:00.
I NGEF SOME SUGAR.
I WISH YOU WOULD COME TO MY PARTY, APU>
LISéEN, SERVING THE CUSTOMERE YS0MURRYMENT EíOUGH FOR ME.EíT.
YOU SEE? MOST ENJOYABLE.
OH< I GUARANTEE A WIíGDING OF TITAíIG PROPORTIONS>
YOU WIéL BE THURE óR KINDLY BE SQUARE>
WEéL, I DOí'T LIKE TO LEAVE TXE STORE< BUT...
FOR THE NEXT FIVE MIíUTES I'M GOING TO PARTY
LI[E0IT'S ON SQLE VOR 19>99.
4 QUICK, QUICK, íO TIME TO CoOK THEM>
THUY WILL PLUMP IN MY STOMACH.
8 relcxes )
HELLó, BEAUTYFUL. NO RYNG I SEe.
SO YóU ARE ONLY ARRAíGED TO BE ]ARRIED.
( synthesizer plqyyng )
OH< Y LOVE TXIS SOíG.
LET US BOOWIE.
♪ I AM A FREAK-A-ZOID
♪ COME ON0AND WINT ME UP.
LET US GUT OUT OF HERE>4/
DON'T WORRY.
YLL TELL EVERYBODY
OH< SANJAY, íEVER XAVE 4pI PARTIED SO HEARTY.Y.
SA]GIOE NEXT YEAR, YA?
]ADE IT. AíF WITH ONE MINUTE TO SPARE.
4 YOU TOóK FOUR MINUTES 4pOF0MY LIFE AND I WANT THEM BA.
OH, I'D óNLY WASTE THEM ANYWAY.
( 2Sing, Sing, Sinw" playiñg )
Swing Serenade ys brougxt to you by Gormañ's Ear Guards.
( loudly ): Guard your ears...
( soft÷y 9: with Grmañ's.
MOM, DQD TXREW HYS BEER SAN AT THE MIRACLE-GRO GUY ON TV.
CAí Y RECYCLE IT?
WHY NOT.
WAA!
UHX!
THERE'S GUM IN MY HAYR!
MOM, SOMEONE THRUW GUM YN MY XAIR!
ARE YOU SURE?
MAyBU IT'S JUST SHAMPOO.
THAT WASHES RIGHT OUT.
NO< YT'S SOMEBODY'S GROSS GU]!
WET IT OUT!
óW!
IT'S PULLING OUT MY HAIR!
WAIT=- IF I REME]BER ]Y HELóISE
THE TRICK TO GETTING OUT GUM IS PUANUT BUTTER.
THURE.
NOW THAT GUM SHóULD LIFT RYGXT OUT>
óW.
HMM?
]AYBE IT NEEDS A LITTLE MAYóNNAISE
TO GET GOING.
OKAY< YOU GO SIT Ií THE SUí ANT LET IT MELT IN.
WHY ME?
YUCK> I SOELL éIKE A SANTWICH.
( buzzyog )
( screaming 9
SMITHERS< WHAT'S THE MEAíING óF THIS SLACKING OFF?
THURE'S A BEE IN MY EYE, SIR.
AND?
I'] ALéERGIC TO0BEE-STINGS.
THEY CAUSE ME TO, UH... DIE.
BUT WE7RE RUíNING OUT OF FORWARD MOMENTUM.
PERHQPS YOU COULD PEDCL
FOR JUST A LITTLE WHYLE, SIR?
QUITE IMPOSSIBéE.
I CAí TRY TO BAV HIM OFF YF YOU LIKE.
REALLY, THAT'S OK...
( moaninw )
HOLY CATS, MAí, WE'RE STARTIíG Tó WOBBLE.
8 thycçly ): GET ]E Tó A HOSPITAé.
YóU...0HAVE.>. TO.>. PEDAL.
óH, TUTTLE7S SUNDAY TROUSMRS.
FEAR NOT, Y'LL GET YóU TO A HOWPITAL
THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW.
SMITHERS< YOU YNVERNAL NINíY!
STIC[ YOUR LEFT XOOF ON TXCT FLANGE NóW!
IF0YOU0CAN GET IT THROUGX YOUR FUG-ADDéED BRAIí
JA] THAT SECOND MEPHYTYC CLOD-HOPPER OF0YOURS ON THM RIGHT DóODAD!
NOW PUMP THóSE0SSRQWNY0CXKCKEN LEWS, YóU STUPOVOUS FUíKER!
( breathlessly 9: ONE ]ORE JOSTLU, YOU WRETCHED SHIRKADAY.
( groening )
HELP ME.
HOLY SMOKES!
YOU NEED BóOZE.
HI, EVERYBODY.
8 grimly in unison 9: XI, DR. NISK>
THIS MALPRACTISE COM]ITTEE
HAS RECEIVED A FEW CóMPLAINTS AGAINST YOU.
OF THE0160 GRAVEST CHAROES, THE MóST TRóUBLING E
PERFOR]ING MAJOR OPERATIONS
WITH A KNIVE AíD FORK FVOM A SEAFOóD RESTAURANT...
BUT I CLUANET THEM WITH MY.
MISUSE OF THE CADAVERS...
I GET HMRE EARLIUR óHEN I DRIVE IN TXE CQR=POOL LAíE.
8 panting ): THERU'S!A!CRQZY MAí WITH A SCALPEL IN E.R.!
HE'S DUMANDING Tó SEE A QUAG[/
XI< EVERYBODY.
íOW TELL DR. NICK WHERE IS0THE TROUBLE.
I'M EDGY! I GOT ANTS IN MY PANTS!
I'M DISCóMBORULATED!
GIVE ME A"CALMATIVE!
SLOW DOWN, SIR.
YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE YOURSEéF S[IN FAILURE.
óKAY, NOW THE SYMPTO]S YOU DESCRIBE
POINT TO "RONUS ERUPTUS."
IT'S A TERRIBLE TISORDER
WHERE THE SKELETON
TRIES TO LEAP OUT OF THE MóUTH
AND ESCAPE THE BóDY.
íOW YOU'RG TALKIíG>
4/ OUR ONE CHANCG IS TRANS-DENTAL ELECTROMICIDE.
I'LL NEED A GOLF=CART ]OTOR WITH 1,000 VóLT CQPACIMQTOR, STAT.
I CAN'T YN GOOD CONSCIE.>.
íOW THURE'S NO TIME, MAN>
WE'LL HAVE Tó IMPRóVISE.
( scrgaming )
KEEP DóING THAT EVERY FIVE SECONDS>
DR. íICK< WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
SONSIDUR THE CHARGES DROPPED.
ALL RIGHT!
FREE NOSU JOBS FOR EVERYBODY.
YI! YOU FIRST.
GIVE ME A VAN XEFLIN.
SAY, BARí...
Y'D HAVG Tó SEíD AWAY TO NASA TO CALCULATE YóUR BAR TAR?
óH, YEAH.
WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH, MOE.
THE RESULTS CAME BACK TOTAY>
YOU OWE ]E $70 BILLIóN.
íO, WAIT, THAT'S FOR THE VOYAGER SPACECRAFT>
YOUR TAB'S $14 BYLLION.
QLLS I GOT IS 2,000 BUCKS.
WELL, THAT'S HALNWAY THERE.
FREEZG, DUTE.
MOVE A MUSCLU AND I'LL BLóW THIS WINO'S HEAD OFF.
I'M BEHIíD THREE INCHES OF BULLET-PROOF WNASS.
TO YOUR WORST.
ALL RIGHT.
STAY OUT OF THEVE.
STAY OUT OF THERE!
óH, GOOD GóD, NO!
óH, GOOD-BYE STUDENT éOQN PAYMENTS.
HA-HA.
COME BQCK HERG, YOU STINKING>.>
XEY, I WONDER HOW MUCH AIR0IS Ií HURE.
ings )
WELL, SEYMOUR, I MADE IT
DESPITE YOUR DIRECTIONS.
SUPERIíTENDENT CHALMERS< WELCOME.
Y HOPE YOU'RE PRUPARUD FOR AN UNFORGETTABLE LUNCHEON.
YGAH>
OH, YE GóDS!
MY ROAST IS RUYNED>
BUT WHAT0IF...
I WERE0TO PURCXASE FAST FOOD
AND DISGUISE IT AS MY OWN COOKING?
HO-Hó-HO-HO-HO, DELIWHTFULLY DEVILISH,0SEYMOUR.
8 theme music plays )
♪ SKINNER, WITH HIS CRCZY0EXPLAíATIONS ♪
♪ TXG SUPURIíTENDENT'S GONNA NEED HYS MEDICATION ♪
♪ óHEN HE HECRS SKINNER7S LAME EXAGGERATIOíS ♪
♪0THERE'LL BE TROUBéE IN TOWN TóNIGHT. ♪
SEYOOUR!
SUPERIíVENDENT! Y WAS JUST>..
STRETCXIíG MY SAéVEW ON THE WYNDOWSILL.
ISOMUTRIC EXERCISE-- CARE TO JOIN MU?
WHY YS0TXERE0SMOKE COMING OUT OF YOUR OVEN, SEYOOUR?
UH... óH! THAT ISN'T SMOKE.
IT'S STEQM.
STEAM FROM THE STEAMED CLAMS WE'RE HAVING.
]MM, STEAMED CLA]S.
SWPERIíTENDENT, I HOPE YóU7RE READY
FOR MOUTH-WATERIíG HA]BURGERS>
I THOUGHT WE0WURE XAVING STEAMED CLAMS.
óH, NO< Y SAID "STEAMED HAMS."
THAT7S WHAT I CAéL HAMBURGERS.
YOU CAéL HAMBURGURS "STEAMED HAMS"?
YES, IT'S A REGIONAL DYALECT>
UH-HUH. WHAT REGYON?
UH, UPSTATE íEW YORK>
REALLY? WELL, Y'] FRóM UTICA
AND Y'VE NEVUR0HEARD ANYONE USE THE PHRASE "STUA]ED XAMS>"
OH< NOT IN UTKCA, NO, IT'S AN ALBANY EXPRESSION.
I S.
YOU [NóW< THESE HA]BURWERS ARE QUYTE SIMILAR
TO THE OíES THEY HAVE AT KRUSTY BURGER.
( laugxing 9: OH, NO.
FOR STEAMET HA]S.
YES/
STEA]ED HAMS DGSPITE THE FECT THEY ARU
OBVIOUSLY WRILéED.
Y/YOU KNOW...
ONE THING I SH...
EXCUSE ME FOR óNE SECOND>
OF COURSU.
AH, WELL, THAT WAS WóNDGRFUé>
GOóD TIME WAS HAD"BY AéL.
I'M POOPED>
YES, I SXOULD BE>.>
GOOD LORD! WXAT IS XCPPENING IN TXGRE?
AURORA BOREALIS.
AURORA BOREAéIS?!
AT THIS TIME OF YEAR
AT THIS TIME OF DAY
YN0THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY
LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR [ITCHEN?
YES. MAY I SEE IT?
NO.
Skynner's mothur: SEYMóUR, THE HOUSE IS óN FIRE!
íO, MOTHER, YT7S JUST THE NORTHERN LIGHTS.
WELL< SEYMóUR, YOU ARE AN OTD FELLOW
BUT Y MUSV SAY< YOU STEA] A GOOD HAM>
Skinner's mother: HGLP!
XELP!
( siren blarinw )
XELP! "HELMS CALLS FOR DóNUT TAX."
8 waspinw )
( ]aggie sucking )
( rarking )
8 door slaÑming )
THERE! DONE AND DONE.
( yells 9
OH!
WHY DID I HAVE TO STOP AT THE RAILROAD TRAC[S?
BETTER GET SOME CHANWE>
( susking loudly )
YT'S0O[AY. IT'S OKAY. I'] BACK.
SEE? DQDDY'S HURE.
( grunting )
COME Oí, MAGGIE.
MAYBE YF YóU JUST SQUEEZE A LITTLE...
( grunting )
THQT'S IT. THAT'S IT. I...
D-OHH!
( giggling )
OKAY, OKQY, THIN[, HOMER.
8 whinyng )
THE DOG!
( muÑbling 9
OKA[, GO, BOY.
GO FYND HELP>
GO FIND HELP, BOY.
D-óHH, BAD DOG.
BAD DOW!
( thumping on glass )
OH...
DON'T WORRY, MAGGIE.
I'LL TXIíK0OF SOMETHINW.
( HoÑer speaking baby talk )
WHERE'S THAT LI'é BABY?
( giggling )
( making wnuvfling baby noisus 9
( maçing symilar0coing and snuffling ñoises 9
THE McWHAT?
McDONAéD'S REWTAURANT.
I NEVER XEART óF0IT EITHER
BUT THEY HAVE OVUR 2,000 LOCATIóNS
IN THIS STATE ALONE.
]WST HAVE SPRUíG UP OVERíIGHT.
YOU KNóW THE FUNNIEST THING, THóUGH?
IT'S THE LITTLE DIFFERENCES.
EXAMPLE.
WELL, AT McDONALD'S
YOU CAN BUY A [RUSTY BURGER WITU
BUT THEY DON'T CALL IT A KRUSTY BURGGR WITH CHEESE.
GET OUT! WHAT DO TXGY CAéL0IT?
A QUQRTER POUNDER"WITH CHEESE.
QUARTER POUNDER WITH0CHEESE?
WELL, Y SAN PICTURE THE CHEESE< BUT,0UH, Dó THEY HAVU
KSUSTY PARTIALLY GELATINATED< NOíDAIRY, GU]-BASET BEVERAGGS?
MO-HMM. THEY CALL THEM SHAKES.
HUH, SXAKES.
YOU DOí'T KNóW WJAT YOU'RU GGTTING.
WELL, I KNOó WHAT I'] GETTINW-- SOME0DóNUTS.
( grunting )
UH, HEéP ME óUT OF THE BOOTH, BOYS.
( hissyng sounds )
8 "La Cucaracja" plqying n0radio 9
M]]-AHH!
( yippyng )
AY, QUE DIQ MISERABLE A TRABAJO.
PRIMERó, EL ATTAQUE DEé WOODPECKURO LOCO.
( cañned laughter 9
éUUGó, UN DISASTRO DE EéECTRICIDAD.
( canned laughter )
Y FINALMENTE
UNA CATASTROFIA COí UNA PELOTA DE BEISBOL.
( crack of a bat )
( ba÷l0whistling )
( sanned laughter )
8 sighs )
TIEMPO0PARA RELAXAR EN PAZ Y QUKETO.
A[! íARANJAS EN LA CABEZA!
8 yips )
8 "La Cucaracha" playyng on rqdio )
QY, UNA CANDULABRA PRECARIóSA!
( yells )
( dog yipping 9
óOH! OOH!
8 screams)
MIRA QUE0COSA TAN TERRYBLE
NO PUEDO ENTENDER ALGO CóMó ESTO
CO]O PUEDO VIVYR CON ALGUIEN TAN IRRESPONSIBLE.
NO, NO, NO, NO!
( yipw )
¿ DONDG MSTA ]I TEQUILA?
8 hard rocç plqyyng on0radio )
♪ DóNUTS
♪ I GóT DONUTS, I G..> û
XEY, I KíOW YOU!
( engiñe revving )
( tires squealinw 9
OóH!
HUX... HUH!
XEY, HEY< WAIT UP!
WE GOT Tó SWAP INSURANCE INFO.
HEY!
WHOA< WHóA, WHOA..> HUH, HUH, HUH.>.
WHóA, WHóA< WHOA>.. HUX, HUH, HUH...
WHOA>.. UH1
HOLD IT RIGHT THErE.
LOOKS LIKG THU SPIDER CAUGHT HISSELF A SOUPéE OF FLIES.
( chuckles )
COME ON. BOY.
THIS IS THE SPóT RIGXT HERE.
THAT7S A OóOD BOY.
GOOD BóY>
DO YóUR DIRTY, SINFUL BUSINESS.
WELL, XOWDY, REVEREND LOVEJOY.
NICE TO SEU YOU THERE...
óN MY éAWN WITH...
YOUR DOG.
OH, UH, óOH... BAD DOO>
LOóK AT THAT.
RIGHT ON0NED'S LAWí.
íOW, HOW0CóULD YOU DO0SUCX Q THING?
GOOD BOY. DON'T STOP NOW.
BAD DOG! I CONDEMN YOU TO HULé.
BETTER GET THE OL' SNóW SHOVEé
BCCO FROM XOMER, HUH?
GOOD BOY.
DON'T STóP THE0MUSIC>
MARGE SIMPSON...
STYLL MA[ING JUISE THE OLD-VASHIONED WAY?
NO, I'VE GóT GUM IN ]Y HAIR.
WE'VE TRIET EVERYTHING--
OLIVE óIL, LEMON JUICE, TARTAR0SAUCE< SHOCOLQTE S[RUP
WRAVY, BQCóN FAT, HUMMUS AND0BABA GHANíOUG...
]Y SCALP HURTS FROM HóRSEFLY BITES.
WHY DON'T YOU FREEZE IT WITH ISE AND HIT IT WITH A XAMMER?
WORKS WHUN I GET BUBBLY-WUM YN0THE OL' PUSH BRóOM.
THAT SOUNDS óKAY.
AH!
STóP! STOP!
HM].>.
I SEEM TO HCVE MASHED MORE HAIR INTó IT.
OH, WELL.
ICE SUBES ARE USELESS, MAN.
CHEWING GUM'S GOT TO0BU CHEWED OUT.
DOES THM WHOLE TOWN XAVE TO XGAR ABOUT THIS?
ARWH, HAVE YE TRIED A RCLTIC SQUYD?
THEY CAN SUCK THU BOLTS OUT óF A SUB]CRINE'S HULL.
ALé RIGHT.
FANGóRIA WILL GIVE ME 25 BUCKS FOR0THIS SHOT.
Y CAí GIVE0YóU TXE0NQME óF A GOOD GUM-AND-HAIR MQN>
I HAVE A0WORD OF0ADVICU:
DON'T TRY TO FIG GUM OUT WITH A BóNE.
IT JUST MA[ES THINWS WóRSE.
LEAVE IT IN AS EVIDENCE.
BAZOóKA ZOE'S GOT DEEP PóCKETS>
PERHAPS I SAN$HEéP.
MY0PAPA IS FóREMAN OF THM DUSSEéDORF GUM-WORKS/
( xonoing )
HEY, WXAé'S GOIíG ON
HEY, BRANDINE
YOU MIGXT COULD óEAR THE[E TO YOUR JOB INTERVIEW.
AND SCUFF UP THE TOPéESS DAíCING RUíWAY?
NAW. YOU BEST BRING THEM BACK
WHERE FROM YOU OOT THEM.
OKAY.
BACK YOU GO--
éO WAITS FOR A WOMAN OF LEWS DISCRIMINATING TASTES.
( banjo playyog bluewrass music )
HEY, YóU KNOó WHAT?
I CóULD CALL MY MAW WHILE I'M UP HEVE.
HEY, MAW!
CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM?
YO] MAY ]SE IT.
SIGNED BY ZOGER MOORE.
IT IS WORTH $150.
óH... WHAT CAN(I GET FOR 75 CENTS?
THE ANSWER "
óHAT/S GOING Oí?
JUYING COMICS!
OUR TRANSQCTION IS CóMPLETMD.
YOU MCY TAKE THE BOY.
óAIT!
doorbell rings )
THERU HE IS NOW.
CAN MY SON USE YOUR BATHROOM?
YOU GOT!TO WAY("YES&!
óKAY, BUT BE QUICK>
IT'S IN BACK.
( muffled grunts )
]H... SO, UH... NI-NICE STORE.
( louder muff÷ed grunts )
( gulps )
( muvfled wrunt )
CWT IF ONF, BUé BE CAREFUL.
I KNOW HOW IMPORTANTúHAIR IS TO A LITTLE OIRL.
( screams )
( gasps )
THANKS!
)
Nelson: CR]D!
DO YOU FIND SOMETHYNG KOMICAé ABóUT MY APpEARANSE
WHEN I'M LRIVING ]Y AUTOMOBILE?
A íEHICLE- EVEN THE VERY TALL.
THIS WAS THE LARGEST AUTO THAT I COULD AFFORD.
8 grunts 9
NOW... MARCH!
HEY,(EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THIS1
BLOW THEM KISSES!
)
( guffawinw )
LOES HAPPEN TO PEOPLE IN SPRINOFIEéD.
THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME
panting )
OH, SORRY I'M LATE.
THEVE WAS TROUBLE AT THE LIB--
ONE OF THE MONKEYS STOLE THM GLASSES OFF My HEAD!
♪ PZOVESSOR(FRINK, PROFESSOR FRIN[ ♪
♪ HE LIKGS TO R]N, AND"THEN THE THING WITH THE... ♪
IS GOING TO"PAY.
[Captioned by The Capr WGBH Etucationil Fowndauion]
D-OHH!
( screams )
[Captionyng sponsored by TWENTIETH TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING GOMPAí[]
AH, SPRING BREAK IN HONG KONG.
CUSTOM=MADE SUYTS AT SLAVE LABOR PRICES.
GOOD LóRD!
THEY'VU GOT THIS AéL WRONG.
YES, THIS IS PRINCIPAL SEYMóUR SKINNER.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU, PRINCIPAé?
THERE'S SOME PROBLEMS WITH MY TISKETS.
I QSKED FOR Q CENTER SECT, NOT AN AISLE0SEAT.
I REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE THE KOSHER MEAé
ANT I BOóKED THE FLIGHT LEAVING SATURDAY MORNING< NOT FRIDAY>
OKAY, I'VM GONE QHEAD AND MADE THOSE CHAíGES
AND WITH THE ONE-DAY ADVANCU PURCHASE PRICE
IT'S JUST AN EXTRA $7,830.
W.M. CHRYSLER!
Y CAN'T AFFORD TXCT.
BWT I CAN'T CLóSE THE SCXOOL A DY
JUST TO SUYT MY VACATION.
OR CAN I?
THYN[, SEYMOUR, THINK.
2GO TO WORK WITH YOUR PARENTS DAY"?
Skynner: Yes. Tomrrow, you wiln learn by doyng
and apply your knowledge of fractioñs and gym
to real-world situations.
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU GET TO STAY XOME AND WATCH ]OM WORK>
BECAUSE Y'VE0ALWAYS REEN AN ADVOCATE
óF WóMEN IN THE WORKPLQCE.
I CAN'T XELP IT IF MOO'S WORKPLACE CONTAIíS OUR TV.
I'M XONORED, BART.
LISA, YOU'LL HAVU A FINE TIME AT THE PLANT WITH DAD.
YOU'VE BEEN INTERESTED IN NUCLEAR PóWER FOR YEARS.
I'VE0SIGNED PETITIONS TO SHUT DOWN THAT PLANT.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE BLOCKING THU TV.
IF YOU NEED SOMETHYNG TO Dó, FIéL OUT MY FORM.
"PARENT'S óCCUPATION>
"PLEASE NOTE: HOMEMAKGR IS NOT AéLOWED
"AS IT0IS NOT REAL WORK.
THAT7S WHY YOU DON'T GET PAID FOR IT.2
BART CAN TAKE MY PLACE.
BUT XE Só WANTED TO SEE WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE.
HOW ABOUT AWNT PATTY AND AUíT SELMA AT THE D.M.V.?
( gasping 9
OF COURSE.
Y WOULT NEVER EVER HAVE TXOUGHT OF THAT.
SOME DAYS, WE DON/T LET THE LIíE MóVE AT0AéL.
( lcugxiñg 9
OH, WOóD ONE.
WELL, AT LEAST, I'M íOT STUCK
AT THE CRACKER FACTORY LI[E MILHOUSE.
EVER WóNDER HOW CRACKERS GET SALTED?
HAVE I!
WOW#
CRACKERS HO!
I NGVER KNEW CRACKMR PRODUCTION COULD BE SO EXCITING.
WHERE DO THEY MAKE THOSU CRAC[ERS
WITH PEANUT BUTTER ALREADY INSIDE?
PUT THIS ON
AND CO]E óITH ME, SON>
DOUGHNUT?
NO, THANKS>
DO YOU HAVE ANY FRUIT?
THIS HAS PURPME STUFF INSIDE.
PURPLE IS A FRUIT.
UH... OH, THIS A MAP OF NUCéEAR SITES
ARóUND0THE COUNURY.
AW A SAFETY INSPECTOR
I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR CHANGIíG MOST OF THUSE LIGIT BULBS.
WHY ARE THERE SO ]ANY BURNT-OUT ONES?
'CQUSE THEY WON'T HIRE AN ASSISTAíT.
MARTIN, HERE'S TEN DOLLARS TO INVEST IN THE FUTUREW MARKET.
SOY! SOY! SOY!
Al÷: SOY! SOY! SOY!
( be÷lúriowiñg )
MARTIN, YOU'RE UP ONE MILLION DOLLQRS.
YES!
( buzzer souñds )
AND NOW, YóU'VE éOST ALL BUT $600.
YOU GOT GREEDY< MARTYN.
Y'M SORRY. I GUESS WATCHING ME
ISN'T ANY MORE EXCYTING THAN BEING ME.
MAYBE WE CAN0MQKE YOUR JOB MORE FWí.
WHQT ARE TXOSE?
I DOí'T KNOW.
WHAT IF WE USED OUR IOAGINATIONS?
HOUSTOí, WE HCVE A PROBLEM.
XOMER 13 IS SPINíKNG OUT óF GONTROL.
I'M GOING AFTER HI].
( both laughing )
BOY, THIS IS A LóT MóRE FUN WITH A SECóND PERSON>
óKQY< óNE MORE STEP.
I'VE JUST GOT TO0GO LAMIíCTE0YOUR LICENSE.
YOU'LL GET IT IN TWó OR TXREE WEE[S.
HOT DAMN!
NO MóRE SITTYNG IN THG DIRT AT THE DRIVE=IN.
TURN IT OFF.
25 YEARW OLD?
YOU'RE NOT 25 YEARS OLD>
THIS I.D. IS COMPLETELY FAKE.
YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, MIéHOUSE.
YT IS A(FAKE.
WHICX MAKES IT A FA[E I.D>
A FAKE0I.D.?!
COOL!
AND IT'S OUR TICKET TO TXE BEST SPRIíG BREAK OF OUR LIVES.
ONE ADULT AND TWO CHYLDREN, PLEASE.
I CAN THYNK OF AT LEAST TWO THINGS WRONG WITH THAT TITLE.
TWENTY-FIVE?
WJOC, Y'M"SORRY, MR. S.
BUT I/VE GOT Tó CHECK EVERYBODY.
WHAT< ARE YOU KITDING?
I TAKE0IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
THREE BEERS, PLEASE.
HEY, JóKí THE PARTY.
8 belches )
SPRING BREAK!
YES!
WELL, WHEN ARE WE GOYNG Tó GET ROWTY?
MAYBE WHEN WE FKND0SOMETHIíG DGCENT TO DO WITX THIW I.D>
WE COULD Gó RENT A CARPET SHAMPOOER.
( mechanical barking )
GREETINGS, CHU]S>
WMRE YOUR DAYS AT WORK AS PROFITCBLE AW MINE?
I JUSV0HAD A SINFUé SHOPPING SPREE AT WEE WóRLD.
WE'RE XAVIíG THE BET SPRING BREAK OF OUR LIVES.
WE DON'T NEED YOU NERLYNG IT UP.
THAV JOB IS TAKEN.
BUT SURELY< Y AND ]Y $600
COULD PLAY SO]E SMALL PART IN YOUR VACATION FUí.
YEAH, RIWHT.
LIKE THERE7S ANY WAY TO GET WOOU KISKS
WITH A BIG WAD0OF CASH AND A LICEíSE TO DRIVE...
8 b9
OH, BOY, FLIPSY!
YOU AND I ARE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP.
( electric window operatino 9
( barking continues )
Ne÷son: HA-HA.
THE LIBURTY
óF PREPARING AN AIR-TIGHT AND UTTERLY PLAUSIRLE ALIBY
FOR USE Oí OUR PARENTS.
I'VE0BEEí SEéECTUD TO REPRESENT TXE SCHOOL
AT THE íATIONAé GRAMMAR RODEO AT...
THE SHERATóN HOTUL0IN CAíADA.
I'VE BEEN SEéESTED TO REPRESENT TXE SCHóOL
AT TXE NATIOíAé GRAM]AR RODEO AT THE SHERATON"HOTEL IN CQNADA.
I'] GOING AWAY FOR A WEEK.
SEE!
EH!
THE NATIONAL GRQMMAR RODEO?
I WISH I WERE GOING.
OH, WAIT! I ]EAN...
I WISH I WAS GOING.
IS THAT RIGHT, BART?
8 mumb÷es ): I DUíNó.
IT'S NOT FAIR. I'M TXE BEWT STUDUNT YN SCHOOL.
XOW COME I NEVER HEARD ABóWT THIS CóMPGTITION?
MAYBE RECAUSE YOU ARE, AS0WE SAY IN LATYN
A TORKUS0MALORKUS.
THAT'S NOT LATIN.
MOM, BART'S FAKINO IT.
OH, HOíEY, YOU'VE HAD YOUR GLóRY.
íOW YT'S BART'S T]RN.
( rock intro0t "Radar Lovu" 9
♪û I BEEN DRIVING ALé NIGHT, MY HAND'S WET ON THE WHEEL0♪
♪ THERE'S A0VOICE IN ]Y0HEAD THQT0DRIVES MY HEEL ♪
♪ IT'S MY BABY CALLING
♪ WAYS, I NEED YOU HERE
( radio tuniñg back and frth )
óH, OH, óH, WAYT, OH< YEAH, I WANTED THAT...
óH, WAIT, óH< OH.
OW!
BART! íEéSóN HIT ME.
HE WURU DID.
( gasps )
A SUP HOLDER!
BART, WE0GOTTA STOP AND GET Q CUP.
UH, BART?
CRUISE CONTROL, MY0GOOD MAí.
EVERYBODY ALé SET BACK HERE?
NMLSON, GOOD0TO SEE YOU.
MARTYN, ALWAYS A PL.
( kids screamiñg )
óH>.> DKABLO CANYOí TWO.
WHY CAí'T YOU BE MORE LIKE DIABéO CANYON ONE?
( sighs )
( phne riñging )
HELLO.
óH< HO]IE! HELLO.
I CAí'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU CAéLED ME FROM>.>
OH. YOU WANT Tó SPECK TO LISA.
Hi, Lisa.
XOW IS YóUR SPRING0BREAK GOIíG?
I']!LEARíING ABOUT OWLS.
OH, OWLS< EH?
SO YOU0PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT
TO SPEND0ANOTHUR DAY AT WóRK WITH ME...
SURE I WóULD.
I CAí LEARí ABOUT OWéS THIS SUMMER AT BIRD CAMP>
( wrunting )
8 gasps )
WE'VE ARRIVGD YN THE VAST CORNVIELDS OF CANADC.
HOW ]USH FARTHUR TO THE GRAMMQR RóDEO?
GRAMMAR RODEó!
WE'RE GOING TO A GRAMMAR RóTEO?
WE'RE íOT WOIíG TO A GRA]MAR RóDUO.
THAT WAS JUST AN ALIBI, MILTON.
MARTYN.
MARTIN.
FELLóWS?
WHERU ARU WE GóING?
WELL, I REQLIZE IT'S TRITE
BUT WE COULD TOUR
THE BRIDGES OF MADISOí COUNTY>
WHó HAS BETTER VACATION IDEAS THAN TR?
ACCORDING TO THE PUBéISHER
OF TXIS TRIPLE-A GUIDEROOK-- NO ONE.
Y'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE MACON, GEORGIA.
WAIT, HOW ABOUT A FAYR?
íOT JUST A CóUNTY FAIR>
íOT JUST A0EUROPU FAIR
BUT A WORLD/S FCYR.
THE WORLD'S FAIR IN KNOXVILLE, TEíNESSEE.
KEEP0READING.
THE HUNGARIANS HAVE RUILT
A WIANT, MOTORIZED RUBIK'S CUBE
AND THE FAIR'S SYOBOé IS THG SUNSPXERE
WHYCH SITS0ATOP Q!266-FOOT-TALé STEEé SHAFT.
WHAT'W INSIDE?
AN INFóRMATIóN0DESK.
COOL. COOL. COOL.
Só< YT'S A CHóICE BETWEEN DISOEY WORLD0AND KNOXVILLE>
KNOXVIéLE! KNOXVILLE! KNOXVILLE!
KNOXVILLE!
KNóXVILLE! KNóXVIéLE! [NOXVILLE!
Y CONGUR.
8 tires screeching )
YOU ]ADU IT!
TID YOU HAVE TROUBLE
GETTING PAST THE SECURITY GUARDS?
SGCURIT[ GUARDS?
GREAT! WANT TO GET LUNCH?
SWRE>
THE WAY I FIWURE IT
YF CANDY STAYS IN THE MACXKNE
MORE0THAN A YEAR, IT'S UP VOR GRABS.
8 groañing )
WHY DO YOU NEED ME?
YT'S A TWO-OAN OPERATION
AND YOU'RE THG0OíLY ]AN I TRUST. READY?
READY.
WHOO=HOO! WHOO-HOO1
SIMPSOí! WHAT IN GóD'S NA]E ARE0YOU>.?
ZAWNUT BAR, MR. SMYTXERS?
RAZZLES? SKKTTLES? WHATCHAMACALéIT? TWIZZLERS?
THEY ALL HAVE HIéARIOUS NAMES AND ARE DELICIOUS.
WELL, I AM PARTIAL TO JóLéY RQNCHERS. M]M.
GOOD WOR[, SIMPSóN.
SIMPSONS>
WKTH YOU HURU, THIS HARDLY SEEMS éI[E WORK.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOYNG TO MAKE IT
THROUGH MY NYGXT0SHIFT WITHOUT YOU.
HAVE A SLUMBER PQRTY.
OH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
SLEEPING BAGS ON THE FéOóR, A ROARING FIRE>..
IT'LL BE LIKE THE TIME
THEY0KYCKED ]E OUT óF THE SPORTING GOODS STORE>
IF YOU KIDS CAí'T KEEP YOUR HANDS0TO YOURSELVES
I'M GOYNG TO TURN THIS CAD
ANT THERE'éL BE NO CAPU CANAVERCL FOR ANYBóDY!
THAT'S IT! BACK TO WIíNIPEG!
BART, CAN WE STOP FOR ICE CREA]?
YES.
BART< CAí WE WEIGX THE CAR
AT TXAT WEIGH STATION?
YEAH.
BART, SAí WE PICK UP THAT HITCHHI[ER?
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
RART, CAN WE STOP FOR ICU SREAM?
YES.
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK I WAS REHABILITATED
BUT I GUESS THEY NEEDET THU EXTRA BED.
WITH BART GOíE AíD0NOW YOU ANDR
I'] íOT GOYNG TO HAVE ANYONE TO...
THQNKS, MOM. BYE.
..>TALK TO.
WHAT IS THYS PLACE?
BRANSON, MISSOURY.
MY DAD SQYS IT'S LIKU VEGAS
IF IT WERE RUN BY NED FLANDERS.
ANDY WYLLIAMS!
OH, WE DóN'T NEED TO STOP HERE.
YES, WE DO1
UGH!
Andy Williams: ♪ ...]Y HUC[LEBERRY0FRIEND û
♪ MOON RIVER AND ME. û
( cheers< applquse )
WOW!
I DITN'T THINO HE WAS GOING TO Dó "MOOí RIVER"
BUT THEN=-0BAM!-- SECOíD ENCORE.
OKAY< TIME FOR TRUTH DARE.
YOU GO FIRST>
UH... TRUTX.
AS[ ME AíYTHYNG.
WHO DO YOU éóvE MOST=- ME, BART, óR MAGGIE?
D-óHH! ALL RIGHT, DARE.
óKAY, WHY"TON'T YOU.>.
HELLó,0K'D LIKE TO SPEAK
WITH A MR. SNOTBALL.
VIRST NA]E0URA>
URQ SNOTBALL?
WHAT?! HóW DARE YOU!
IF I FINT OUT WHó THIS IS, I'éL STAPLE A FLAG TO YOUR BUTT
AND MAIL0YóU TO IRAN!
óKAY, YOUR TURí.
]MM.>. TRUTH.
UH... DO0YOU HAVE A CRUSX óN AN[óNU?
DAD.
Y WON'T TELL ANYBOTY>
YOU TEéL EVERYBODY EVERYTHING.
EVEN MOE [NEW óHEN Y THREW UP ON THE DEíTIST.
MOE THInKS HE KNOWS Q LOT ]ORE TXAN MOE KNóWS.
WELL, JUSU0GIVE ME QNOTHER CHANCE
AND I'Lé PROVE I CAN KEEP YóUR SESRET.
OKAY.
LANGDOí ALGER.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT IS.
íORODY DOES.
( giggling )
HE7S VERY QUYET AND ENJOYS PUZZLES
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAí TELL ANYONE.
I'VE ALRUAD[ FORGOTTEN HYS NQME.
YT WAS LARSEN SOMETHINW, RIGHT?
( giggling )
THANKS, DAD.
óH< THIS HAS BEEí THE REST SPRING BREAK EVER>
And with my patented seminar< you wkll learn
how to corner the real estate market through hypnosis.
Why waste your hypñotis powers
on neighborw and co-workers when..>
I CAí'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
( sighs )
( coughing 9
( coughing0luder )
( growliñg )
( crying )
AW, THERE, TXERE..>
OH, ]AGGYE, THERE...
WE'RE ON THE HOME STRUTCH>
NEXT STóP-- THU KNOXVIéLE WORLD'S FAIR
AND YTS FABUéOUS SUNSPHERE.
HURRY UP> WE'VE ONLY GOT0FóUR DAYS
TO SPEND AT THU...
"WOD... VIR"?
( mgta÷lyc clattes 9
UH... EXCUSE ME>
IS THIS THE WORLD'S FAYR VISITOR'S CENTER?
IT USED TO BE, BACK Kí 1982>
YOU'RE 14 YEARS TOó LATE.
BUT THERE'S ANOTHER WORLD/S FAIR COMING SOON, RIGHT?
BEFORM FRIDCY?
WHAT AROUT TXE SUNSPHERE?
YOU MEQN THE WIGSPHERE.
YOU'RE WELCOME TO GO UP THERE
IF YóU WANT TO SEE
16,000 BOXES OF UNSóLD WIGS.
NOW, YOU0GENTLEMUN GONNA BUY SOME WIGS OR AYN'T YA?
I GUESS FATE WAS QGAINST US.
IT7S REALLY NOBODY'S FAULT, RIGHT?
UH, RIGHT?
WEéL, WE'VE STIéé GOT A CCR
AND A WAD OF CASH.
UH, NO WE DON'T.
I MUST0HAVE SPENT OUR LAST $10
ON THIS QL0GORE DOéL.
You... are... hearing...0me...0talç.
I HATE THIS PLACE!
WE'vU GOT NO0CAR>
WE'VE GOT Nó MóNEY.
QNT NO ONE KNOWS WE'RE HERE.
( together ): WE'RE STRAíDED!
BUT ON T PéUS SIDE
I KNOCKED OíER THE SUNSPHERE.
YF WE'D GONE TO MQCON< GGóRGIQ.
I'M JUST SAYING, IS ALL.
FELLóWS, I THINK PERHAPS THE TIME HAS COME
TO CALL OUR PAREíTS.
NO! THUY'D KYLL US>
WE0GóT HERE ON OUR OWN.
WE'Lé SURVIVE ON OUR OWN.
WE NEET ]ONEY,0FOOD, AND A WAY TO GET HOMU.
FOLLOW ME.
RE]EMBER, WE'RE PARKED UNDER THE SUíSHPURE.
HEY! I NEED THOSE TO SEE!
AH, THESU LEíSES ARE PERFECT.
NOW I CAN RE=BóTTOM THOSE ANTIQUE COKE BOTTLES>
300.>.
HEY, COME BASK!
400, 500, 600.>.
óW! óH!
500, 400< 300, 200, 100, ZERO.
CóME ON!
THYS TRAYN GOES RIGHT THROUGX SPRIíGVIELD.
( al÷ groaning )
( phone riñging )
WELL, óF COURSE, I'LL ACCEPT.
BART! Y'VE MISSED YOU SO MU.>.
YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO LISQ?
HOW'S THE NATIONAL GRAMMAR RODEO, BART?
éISA< I REALLY NEED YóUR XEéP>
XGRG'W A SUCRET- THERE'S NO SUCH TJYNG.
Y K!
WHY WOULT OUR GRAMMAR RODMO RE IN ANóTHER NATIóN?
YOU'RE0GóING TO0BE IN TROUBéE>
I'M YN TROUBLE ALREADY. HERE'S WHAT XAPPENUD.
HOW CAN I COMM HOME FOR FREE?
XM]... YOU CóULD TRAVEL FOR FREG IF YóU WERU A STEWARDESS.
WELL< HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO GET HóME?
ALé RIGHT, HOW ABóUT A SOURIER?
THEY TRAVEé FOR FREE TOO>
NO, THAT'S A TERRIER. THEY'RE DOGS.
YOU SURE DON'T LOOK 25
BUT YOUR UíLAMYNATED OUT-OF-STATE DRIVER'S LICENSE
IS PROOF0ENOUGH FOR"MG.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST ASSIGN]GNT>
(ô speakkng Chinese)
( spuaking Chinese )
WHA?
( phone riñgyng )
I've gt to courigr somethyng to Springfield.
IT'W GOT Tó BE0BYG ENOUWH
TO FIT MILXOUSE, MARTIN AND NULSOí INSITE.
BART, THAT WILL COST A FORTUNE.
SIMPSóN, HOW'D YóU LIKE TO ESCORT 500 BIG MACS
TO MARéON BRANDO'S ISMAND?
I CAN'T TA[E MUCH MóRE OF THISo
I'M COUNTIíG ON YOU, LIS>
( tejectedly ): WHEE.
WHAT7S0WRONG< HONEY?
THERE'S SOMGTHING TRóUBLING ME, DAD.
I CAí'T TEéL0YOU. IT'S A0SECRET.
I THóUGHT WE TRWSTUD EACH óTHER WITH OUR SECRETS0NOW.
I XAVEN'T TOLD A SOUé ABóUT YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND.
LAíGDON ALGER?
Y DON'T LI[E XIM ANYMóRE.
PROMISE YOU WON'T GET ]AD óR TELL ANYONE< ESPECIALLY BART.
I PROMISE.
BART RENTED A CAR WITH A PXONY LICENSE
AND DROVU MILHóUSE< NELSóN AíD MARTIN TO KNóXVILLE.
THE SAR GOT CRUSHED, QND BART JUST GOT BACK
FRóM HONW [OíG.
YES, THAT'S Q REAL PYCKLE.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT?
( muff÷ed yelling )
( muffled ye÷ling )
AéL RIGHT, I HAVE THóUGHT THIS0THRóUWH.
I WILL SENT BART THE ]OíEY TO FLY HOME
QND THEN, Y WIéL MURDER HIM.
íO, NO1 THEN HE'LL KíOW Y TOLD.
DAD, YOU SAID I COULD TRUWT YOU.
óH, YEAH>
OKAY, WE'LL WORK THIS óUT TOGETHUR.
FIRST THYNGS FIRST.
WHERE IS KíOXVILéE?
IT'S IN TEíNESSEE--
íGXé TO THE óA[ RIDGU íUCLEAR FACILITY
BIRTHRLACE0OFTH.
MAYBU WE COULD ORTER SO]ETHYNG FROM OQK0RIDGE.
AND BART COULD RE TXG COURIER!
HGLLO,0OIDWE?
THIS IS SPRINGFIELD NUCLUAR.
WE NEED TO ORDER A, UH>.>
T-437
SAFETY COMMAND CóNSOLE.
SPRINGFIELD, MY CO]PUTER SHOWS YOUR T=437 YS FULLY OPERATIóNAL>
óh, my Gd!
Oh< God, no!
Thys cqn't be happening!
This... You're operating without a T-437, Sprinwfie÷d1
Ah, Swuet ]other of Mercy!
Y Ñean... I Ñean, Ñy God!
HAVE IT SENT TO THU SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWER PLANT
CARE OF HOMER J>
DON'T USE YOUR0REAé NAME óR0BART WILL KNOW!
VORGET THE NAME HOMER SIMPSON.
XAVE IT SENT CARE OF LAíGDOí ALGER.
Milhwse0( muffled voice ): BART! XEY, WE REALLY COULD USE AnóTXER AIR XOéE.
SHX!0THEY'LL KNOW YOU'RE IN THURU.
( chucçling 9
I WOULDN'T GO BASK AGAIN NEXT YEAR.
YT'S GETTIíG TOO CóO]ERCYAL.
THEY'VE VORGOTTEN YT'S SUPPOSGD TO BE ABóUT THE WRAM]AR.
( phonu riñginw 9
HELLó.
óH< XGLLO, PRINCIL SKYNNER.
NO< BART HAS0NEVER BEEN Tó HOíG KóNG.
GOOD NIGXT>
( phone riñging )
TENNESSEE STATE POéICE?
NO, MY SON'W CAR WAS NOT CRUSHED IN KíOXVILLE.
I TON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN TELLING YOU
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT.
8 phone riñging 9
XELLO.
NO< BART IS íOT AVAILABLU TO]ORRóW
TO DELYVER A HUMAN0KIDíEY TO0AMSTERDAM>
8 snicçering )
XOMER, ARE0YOU LAUGXING AT ]E?
[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]
MOM WAS ALWAYS MAKING SURE I ATE RIGHT.
IT WASN'T ALWAYS EASY.
WELL, NOW WE'RE LISTENING TO OUR DOCTORS
AND TAKING BETTER CARE OF OUR HEALTH WITH ENSURE.
ENSURE IS RECOMMENDED #1
BY DOCTORS
AS A SOURCE OF COMPLETE
BALANCED NUTRITION.
MORE THAN A VITAMIN SUPPLEMENT
TO HELP STAY HEALTHY, ACTIVE, BE ENERGETIC.
DRINK ENSURE AS A MEAL.
OR IN BETWEEN.
ENSURE.
TO YOUR HEALTH, MOM.
UH-UH, TO OUR HEALTH.
NOW ENSURE HAS A NEW ADVANCED FORMULA
WITH EVEN MORE NUTRIENTS.